03/19/05
Bad Blood

This was just a vague bit I recalled. I've been having trouble remembering my dreams in any detail lately.

Somehow, I knew that I had leukemia. :( I do not know if I was dying or not, just that I was very sick. I wasn't in any pain or anything, but I was very anxious that I would be in the future. I don't think I was getting radiation treatment but I was taking a whole lot of different pills, as I remember having a handful of them and having to take them. I remember I also wanted to take some kind of vitamin, but I worried that it might interact badly with the medication in some way.

In some part of this we (Ma, myself, and someone(s) else, maybe my brother and/or dad) were in the Glen's parking lot and I think my medication was on the dash of the vehicle we were in. I was very depressed, but resigned. It was snowy and overcast out. Gloomy. I think I was worried about bleeding--like cutting myself or something, almost like I would be a hemophiliac. Great anxiety was present all throughout this dream.

In another part I was in the bed of a pickup truck, or else in an SUV with a sunroof or something, as I was up high and in the open air as this vehicle moved through a snowy, hilly, pine tree-studded landscape. I do not know what we were doing; maybe my family was trying to distract me, or maybe we were going to get me treatment or something. I was just so worried and gloomy about everything. I can't even describe the feeling of sadness that was weighing upon me. Oddly I think a lot of it was due to the burden I must be putting on my family, since I do not have health insurance--how were they paying for this? I believe I was more afraid of being in pain than of actually dying.

I don't know what from real life could have inspired this, but the first thing I think of when I think of leukemia is "bad blood," so maybe the dream was telling me that I have bad blood toward somebody. I wouldn't doubt it.



2005 Dreams
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