03/22/05
Don't Stand So Close To Me!
I do not remember all the details of this, so some of it is guesswork.
There was some sort of outside gathering at my house. It was summer and late afternoon, I think; golden outside, and warm, and very festive. I do not even know who these people were--they didn't seem to be relatives--but they didn't make me anxious, oddly enough. It was the guy following me around who made me anxious!
I'm not sure who he was. But I get the strong feeling he may have been a fictional character of mine, a Native American character named Black Elk Horn. He's a Late Woodland/pre-contact Ojibwa-type Indian who appears in some serials of mine, and is the chief of his tribe and husband of a medicine woman; he's young and handsome but also very hot tempered and distrustful of outsiders, and so comes across rather as a jerk in my writing, even though he's just looking out for his people's traditions. I'm not sure why I feel the person in my dream was him but it's a strong feeling I have. And for some weird reason he got the idea in his head that he was going to have me as his wife! O_o He didn't seem to be already married in my dream (if it was him), but damn he was pushy! A great part of the dream I spent trying to avoid him, but he would not leave me alone. He wasn't threatening me or anything, at least not at first, but I still felt anxious because he just WOULD NOT TAKE THE HINT!
I went inside the house (everybody else was outside) and tried hiding from him in there but now it was just like one of my "Watchers" dreams--he kept coming up to the windows and seeing me! It was like I would be safe if he could not see me, but he could. I hid in the bathroom at one point but he came up to the windows--our bathroom has not had a window in years when we took it out and boarded it over, and even in the dream I was thinking, "Our bathroom has windows--??" I saw him step up onto the porch just outside the bathroom windows (there seemed to be more than one, when in real life there was only one long ago) and I ducked down to the floor, both to try to hide below his line of sight, and to try to seek protection behind the shower curtain, because now there was this gauzy transparent shower curtain drifting in front of me. The bathroom was dim, no light on, with orangish light shining in through the window. Black Elk Horn (?) stopped and peered inside. I hoped that the shower curtain would obscure me but he seemed to be looking at me! Then I ducked my head and thought, "Avoid his eyes. If he can't see my eyes, he can't see me! Don't look in his eyes!" I don't understand this reasoning but in the dream it made sense. I really thought if I just ignored him he would go away. But he stayed there looking in at me, so I knew my trick had not worked. :(
I fled next to my bedroom. It was dim in here too. I ducked down on my floor. I don't remember seeing him looking in (my bedroom is right beside the bathroom and the porch is also visible from there, so he should have been right outside), but I was still terrified. It's like my blinds or whatever was over my windows weren't working properly; they were parting or coming open or something. I seemed to go straighten them out or close them at least twice. I don't think he saw me but I didn't feel safe there so I think I fled from there too.
It gets hazy here but for some reason after a while I had to move down into the basement with some other people, maybe from the party outside. I was going to have to live down here for a while and this thought depressed me; maybe it was safe from his eyes. There were some rough beds of a sort with old ratty coverings on them, right where the walkway would be, near the light closest to the old wood stove, facing from left to right when facing east (the wood room). They were really lumpy and old and that made me feel terrible. In addition it was cold and damp down there and I think there might have been some flooding or water leaking in and this further depressed me; I thought the beds might get wet, if they weren't already. It's like we had to bring down supplies for the long term and we would not have contact with others for a while at least. Perhaps there was something to do with a telephone. I just felt so overwhelmingly sad. I didn't want to live down here! It was too filthy and dirty! :(
More haze; eventually I decided to ask for help to get Black Elk Horn (or whoever) off my back. I think I fled upstairs and outside, running as fast as I could so he couldn't catch up with me. I think he was still on the front porch looking in the windows and didn't even notice me run by to the front yard but I was still panicked. There were some people gathered out here under the tree and I ran to them and started begging for their help. They were sympathetic and agreed to help me. I believe one may have been a red-headed man, curly or wavy hair, kind of heavyset with a boyish face, kind of like an actor I saw on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit once (in the episode where they raided his house, thinking he had kidnapped a boy, but it turned out the kid was really his); he may have been the leader or the one who decided to help me. I think he strongarmed Black Elk Horn into leaving me alone, and the others helped; I do not know what became of Black Elk Horn, but I felt he would have been upset by this but sufficiently cowed so as not to bother me again. (In my fiction, he is hardly a cowardly character and such things wouldn't have scared him--but then again if this was him, he was acting terribly out of character in my dream. My Black Elk Horn is not passionate or emotionally demonstrative except when angry.) So, even though the dream was very stressful, it seemed to have a happy ending for me.
I do not know what could have inspired this dream.
Cosmas & The Cosmoses
It was very early morning, still dark outside. For some reason Ma was wide awake doing things, and there was another woman there, probably an aunt of mine. The TV was off but the lights were on and there was activity going on. I went out into the dim utility room and for some reason peered out of the blinds, looking east. I had a better view than I would normally have and saw something bright and glowing up in the sky. Curious, I kept trying to part the blinds to get a better look but my view was always obscured. I saw enough however to make out that it was a galaxy I was seeing, full of brilliant stars! It was just this nearly white patch in the sky, it was so bright. Amazed, I decided to go outside to get a better look.
I solemnly went to put on my pants, my boots, and to get my coat. The cat, Cosmas, followed me around expectantly. (He always does when he wants to go out.) I opened the door, feeling that Ma and the other woman would be getting ready to ask me what I was doing, but I went ouside and promptly slammed it behind me before they could do so.
I stepped out onto the pavement and looked up. Now there was not just one visible galaxy but at least several! Different shapes and sizes. They were so brilliant and amazing! I stared up at them in total awe. I think I wondered if I should take a picture, but I knew it wouldn't turn out right. They were so beautiful and strange.
Cosmas was wandering around on the pavement. He started kind of scurrying away, and now suddenly it's like we were standing in the filling area of the Holiday gas station downtown, because Coz was rushing right out into the busy street! Alarmed, I stopped looking at the galaxies and raced after him. "Coz! NO! Come here!" I yelled, but my yelling just seemed to confuse him. Fortunately I snatched him up and carried him out of harm's way just in time. I scolded him angrily but I was more upset by the thought of him getting killed, than anything. Coz, for his part, seemed thoroughly rattled and jumpy.
If this was the same dream, perhaps I then went back inside because I was with Ma again, and Dad was getting up to go to work. At some point we heard him open the back door and close it, going outside. Ma was confused and asked me if he was leaving. I felt immediately anxious that he was, without even saying goodbye! Was something wrong? :( Then I remembered that Dad DOES go outside once before leaving, to turn on and warm up the vehicle; he then comes back inside to say goodbye. So I told Ma this. My feeling of anxiety had been so bad that it was like I thought he was having an affair or something, so I was relieved to remember this fact. (In real life, this is exactly what he does, but in the dream I seemed to doubt whether I was right or not when I remembered this.)
2005 Dreams
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