12/23/04
On The Way Down

There was more before this but this is where it picked up.

I was walking along a pebbly dirt road which I believe was in the approximate location of a real dirt road, H. Road, across the junction from our house. It was sunny and apparently summer as it was green and grassy all around us--dryish tall grass, like that you find in fields. I think the road was slightly raised like on an embankment and I was with a group of what I will assume were students, on a field trip; I was the same age as them. (I think we were college students.) There was a young woman leading the group, maybe a teacher. She was walking alongside me to my right; I was toward the middle or back of the group, I think, with people walking ahead of me (I never looked behind me). If this were H. Road, we would have then been walking west.

As we walked I looked down to examine the pebbles and stones in the road and it was like I was bent over, I had such a good view--closeup. I spotted an interesting-looking stone and stopped to crouch and pick it up. As soon as I did, I spotted a similar one beside it and picked that up too. They appeared to be quartz, but they had colored stripes in them--the first one had kind of pinkish-red stripes, and the other had light black or grayish stripes--so perfect like they'd been painted on. (The stone was rough, not tumbled.) I think I saw a similar stone near these but stood up again before I could get TOO greedy and continued walking, carrying these two stones in my hand and looking at them. I felt some anxiety over carrying them--their weight would bog me down, especially after a long time walking (I think I had a pack of some kind)--and this was kind of an odd thought, considering how small they were! They were like rocks you'd find in a driveway--maybe an inch wide or long at most. I guess I was worried that I might start to pick up a LOT of them, and THEN I'd get bogged down. I didn't want to carry a heavy pack. :(

The "teacher" or whatever she was, walking to my right, peered down at my treasure with curiosity. "What's that?" she asked.

"Some pretty stones," I said, then I tried to say, "I think they're quartz"--but for some reason, the word "quartz" did not want to come out of my mouth! It's like I had an abnormal amount of trouble saying the word--I think partly because I wasn't positive if they were quartz, but it was also more than that--my tongue tripped over the word. Quite strange. :/ I hoped the teacher wouldn't think I was stupid. I really liked these rocks and decided I would keep them.

The dream gets hazy here, but somehow I guess this road ended up leading out to this "dock" or wooden hanging bridge (rope bridge?) which led WAY out over this body of water--and it was VERY far down! Like standing atop a high building! It was a very big body of water, like a lake, surrounded by trees; I think the water was green but it might have been blue. Just impossibly far down. This bridge was more like a dock in that it seemed to end ahead of us, but it was more like a bridge in that it had railings or hand supports and we were using these as we went out onto it. Yes--even *I* went on it! Acrophobic, hydrophobic me! This was my TWO greatest fears in one, but somehow I was managing.

I do not recall the purpose of what we were doing, nor exactly what we were doing itself. It involved going out onto this bridge or whatever, and maybe after that swinging out over the water, or jumping in, or maybe both. I remember that as my turn came to walk I hooked my elbows over the railings--at this point the bridge was narrow enough for me to easily do so without having to stretch or strain myself--to try to get as good a grip as possible! (It was kind of like being on a rope bridge now, because of the precarious feeling I had, like I might fall--it wasn't the same fear I get when I actually am in high places, when I feel like I'll fall no matter HOW secure my footing. The fear in the dream was more rational.) There were a few students ahead of me and I think they looked at me but I wasn't embarrassed--some of them were probably following suit. We were all reacting in different ways and this was my way of reacting. I thought maybe my grip was not good enough--so I brought my hands together and clasped them tightly, in front of me, my elbows still hooked around the railings or ropes. I hoped I had the best grip possible if I should fall, so I could keep holding onto the bridge and not go in the water.

I think some of the students began to jump in the water now, far far below. One of them was a young Latino man who might have resembled an actor I've seen on shows like CSI: Miami and something else, maybe one of the Law & Orders. (On CSI he played one of a pair of brothers who killed this woman in a pool, then his brother killed off another woman to ensure her silence, and then the cops called out the Bahamas Coast Guard or something to haul them in near the end of the episode when they were out on their yacht.) He might have looked kind of like that only younger. I recall him turning and looking at me specifically, as if curious to see what I would do. I do not know why his image stuck with me or what his interest was. Anyway I went walking to the end of this "dock" or whatever, looked WAY down at that water, then promptly turned and walked back. No way in HELL I was going to jump all the way down there!!

The thing is, my reaction was much different from the way it would be in real life. I kept very calm throughout this whole thing--the most anxiety I had physically shown was when I'd gripped the ropes or whatever with my elbows and clasped my hands together. As I walked back along the bridge I even came up with a very rational reason NOT to jump in the water--"The others would have to interrupt what they're doing and come rescue me--because I can't swim anyway." It did make sense--why bother them like that? Why endanger myself by jumping in this water when I really COULDN'T swim? It just didn't make any sense. It's like I said this or explained it to the teacher as I walked by, just so she would know why I wouldn't participate. I didn't feel terribly anxious or upset, I was just making a point.

Even though this bridge never sloped downward, it's like as I got closer to "shore," its height greatly decreased, until I was maybe a story or so above the water--still too high for comfort in real life (ANYTHING is too high for comfort when I'm over water!!), but not nearly as bad as the height at the end of the bridge. I paused and spotted two students swimming around down there. It was as if I wished to prove my point about not being able to swim, yet also wanted to get off the bridge because this was the only way I guess, so I jumped off and into the water. I was going over my reasoning in my head the entire time I did this. I do not recall actually jumping--and it was even like the bridge itself was not there anymore, almost like I was hovering in midair over the water, or more like standing way to the side of it (the bridge)--and I kept thinking, "See?--they're going to have to rescue me now, and interrupt their own activities," as I fell. I believe I hit the water not far from the two swimmers (they were just kind of floating and splashing around in the water), and began to wallow and splash around so somebody would see me and come pull me out. There was a feeling of urgency--I knew I had to get SOMEBODY'S attention before I drowned!--but I never once felt panicked like I would in real life or even usually in dreams. It's like I knew they'd rescue me, I just had to be sure to make it obvious so they'd come get me soon.

I guess I was rescued and perhaps we then all left. I do not remember any more than that.

There are no real-life associations to anything recently that I can think of. I just find it odd how calm I remained throughout this dream, even when I felt anxious. Heights and water terrify me, even in my dreams, and the fact that I even set foot on that bridge is a surprising one!



2004 Dreams
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