07/28/04
The Ties That Bind

This dream contains some adult themes.

This is rather sad...since this dream was quite vivid while I was having it, and immediately after jumping out of bed--literally--I remembered lots of details. I can usually remember dreams pretty well up to a few hours after having them, without taking notes...but for some reason this dream faded VERY quickly, so much so that a mere half hour or so later, when I wrote the details down, I had forgotten much of it! :( I can't think of why such a vivid dream faded much more quickly than usual for me...*sigh*

Well, as for what I do remember...which is woefully little, by now...I was to undergo some sort of punishment for adultery, I believe. This dream was strange because I'm not even sure who I was or if this was real or just roleplaying; it seemed to be both, and I seemed to be different people at different times. Primarily I was myself, but at one point I either was or was at least pretending to be a male character of mine, an Apsiu (a humanoid race I created) named Lieutenant Hiath'ikh. This is doubly weird because if the charge WAS adultery, it makes no sense if I was Hiath'ikh, as the Apsiu don't recognize marriage and besides, Hiath'ikh is gay. So...not sure about that one. :/ I seemed to be roleplaying Hiath'ikh more than actually being him.

There was more leading up to this, but my memory picks up with me being in my bedroom--enhancing the roleplaying aspect, though this did seem to be real at times--kneeling sometimes on the floor, and sometimes on my bed, and I was naked with my arms bound behind my back. This alternated too. At some point I seemed to be lying on my stomach on my bed, awaiting my punishment (more on that soon); but mostly I seemed to be kneeling on my floor. And my arms weren't really bound so much as I was holding them behind my back waiting for them to be bound. I even remember positioning my wrists behind me in different ways to see which would be the best way to have my arms tied. Again with the roleplaying. There were supposed to be people around me, my punishers, but I don't remember actually seeing them. And my attitude throughout this entire dream was one of resignation and even curiosity rather than of fear and humiliation, as I know I would feel awaiting punishment while kneeling here stark naked!

At some point as I knelt facing toward my door--roughly east--I turned and to my left, instead of the great mess that is the main part of my room, I saw a big full-length mirror stationed beside me. And I could see myself, kneeling and naked. I never saw my face; it was as if my hair were longer and darker and trailing forward, possibly hiding it, though I could still see everything else clearly. And my body looked strange. My skin wasn't the right color; it was almost grayish, yet not in a sickly way...I can't say it was coppery, but it was like a platinum tinge, like I was some sort of different ethnicity. Can't explain it. And I seemed to be wet, only the wetness was so evenly dispersed over me as to make me look as if I had been bronzed or coated with some sort of oil. I had this SHEEN to me as if I were sweating, yet not in a disgusting, smelly way; you know how swimsuit models will have that gleaming look to their skin as if they are damp, yet the water isn't beading up on them? That's how I looked--all of me. And I had a long torso. I noticed that my potbelly was gone and my weight looked normal! That surprised me, since in real life I have lots of weight settled in my stomach, hips, thighs, and behind, but here in this mirror I had this long flexible torso and actually looked to be of normal weight. I wondered where my potbelly had gone. Then I think I stretched myself upright, and then slouched again, and my potbelly appeared at last. But it still wasn't as big as I'd thought, and it even looked normal, with the rest of my body still being so much thinner. How strange that I seemed more attractive now. I sensed my face would look completely different too, like a model's face. My arms were behind my back the entire time.

Anyway, as I said, I was to undergo some sort of punishment, I think for adultery, though I can't be positive. I sense this was some sort of Islamic justice system. Somewhere in here I at least pretended to be Hiath'ikh and resigned myself to my fate. I bent over and looked down at my floor...the carpeting was the same as in real life, matted and rose colored, and beneath me--I would squish it if I were to lie down upon my belly--was a big black spider. Not like a tarantula, just a house spider, sitting in my shadow. I looked at this in curiosity. I didn't want to hurt it or anything. At some point in the dream I feel there was another spider and/or a scorpion nearby, and I felt mildly anxious of it biting/stinging me, but not overly so. There seemed to be random other details in this dream, but I've forgotten them. Some point near the end had to do with me reading/browsing through a magazine--I seemed to be in bed while I did this--and there were these two specific things in there which somehow had to do with the crime I had supposedly committed. One of these things was the automobile Ferrari--I had the thought that maybe whoever I was, Hiath'ikh, had been driving this kind of car while committing adultery or whatever, which is just plain stupid since Hiath'ikh's race lived in ancient times and like I said he's gay! But it wasn't so stupid in the dream; I don't know. I'm not even sure if that's what happened, that's just what I was hypothesizing. The other thing mentioned was some sort of small animal but I forget what it was...a ferret? Owl? All I know is it held some significance to me, at least in the dream, and it too had some bearing on what had happened before this.

(One detail which might or might not matter--a while after awaking I had the word firenze or something similar running through my head, and I associated it with this magazine and possibly with the Ferrari, as well as with the word fire. I assumed it was an Italian word meaning fire though I have no clue. I'm pretty sure I've seen the word firenze before but I can't remember where or what it means. I wrote this off as being merely a mental corruption of the word Ferrari, but I thought I'd take note of it anyway.)

Well...what punishment was I to receive for what I had done, anyway? I can't even remember--I think even in the dream I wasn't sure. It was to be a harsh punishment, judging by my naked and bound state. I sensed it was either going to be death by beheading or some sort of mutilation--if I were Hiath'ikh it would probably involve flaying my wings and making me a "Moru," or a slave (in the Apsiu culture I created, nonflyers are slaves, and the harshest punishment a Kana, or flying warrior, can receive is to have his wings flayed and make him into a slave, or Moru)--or else I was going to be raped or sodomized. By "sodomized," I automatically thought of some sort of anal penetration with a foreign object--sorry for the graphicness of this, but that's the exact thing I thought of. For some reason I never thought of vaginal penetration by a foreign object. Either death or anal sodomy seemed to be the most likely punishment I thought I would receive. I even imagined having to lie down on my stomach and take this punishment while still tied. Not a pleasant thought whatsoever, and in real life, this would fill me with dread, since sexual acts fill me with fear. o_o Yet in the dream I was very oddly resigned about the whole thing...and not only that, I even seemed to be anticipating it, out of some sort of weird curiosity about what it would be like.

I even remember that right before I awoke, I seemed to be looking through a book, or the magazine, or maybe just thinking about several different outcomes or something to this situation...I can't recall specifically what they were, but I was looking over every one of them with growing interest, and I really wanted to see how it would turn out, but just as I read like the second one my alarm clock went off. I literally jumped out of bed to turn it off, still half in the dream, and assuming I could jump back into bed and continue reading or whatever, and reach the conclusion of the dream and thus my punishment...but when I turned off the clock I realized I was awake, the dream was over, it was time to get up, and I would never figure out how it was supposed to end or what my exact punishment or resolution to the situation would be. :/

Possible real-life tie-ins: In real life I have been working like mad lately on my "Ameni Chronicles" series, which is a very long, very graphic, and sometimes sexually violent adult series featuring my Apsiu characters, one of whom is Lieutenant Hiath'ikh. The latest chapter I've been writing/proofreading includes what is very well a rape scene, which includes anal penetration, though not with a foreign object. Hiath'ikh does not possess any great importance in this chapter, though, and he's by no means a favorite character of mine, so I don't know why I would choose to be him.



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