06/11/04
Rape Reaction

Again, I didn't take note of this dream, so it's very vague.

There was much to the beginning, but my vague memory picks up with Ma and I being in something like a bar/restaurant; we seemed to be sitting at the bar, and there were big windows behind us, like at a diner or cafe. It was night and the windows overlooked a big parking lot, quite big for a bar; maybe it was shared with a nearby business. We were in an unfamiliar city and it was dark out but for the city lights, and I think it had recently rained; I seem to remember there was a little grassy rise beyond the parking lot, like a slope. There weren't too many cars parked out there, at least at one point. The inside of the bar seemed all in shades of orangish wood or some such, kind of dim.

We left to go outside into the parking lot and the dream gets strange here because I took on a sort of point of view or vantage point that I'm really not sure of. I was watching this girl--young woman--get attacked by a gang of young men. It's like I was trying to help in some way, yet not really a part of it, more of an observer, disembodied, not really there, like a ghost or projection. One part of me felt anger and anxiety and wanted to help her, but another part of me felt quite neutral, just somewhat concerned for her, as if I were merely watching her on TV. Ma seemed to disappear during this part of the dream, though maybe she too was watching in a disembodied state.

We seemed to move toward the back of the parking lot. The girl was probably Latina or black, some sort of minority, and kind of like a streetwise or gang type, kind of tough and dressed scantily. I believe she was wearing a metallic or pearlescent mini skirt (lavender colored?) and maybe a faux fur jacket atop a tight tanktop or something; you know, kind of trashy clothing. I think she had a round face, full lips, and short, kind of bowl-cut hair, possibly dyed as I seem to think it was blondish (and highlighted?) while her skin was dark, and she wore lots of makeup; she wasn't fat, but she wasn't scrawny, either. She was pretty, but her attire made her look like a prostitute. She may have been in her late teens or early twenties. I could tell somehow she was a tough girl, the kind who would get right in your face and talk all street style if you gave her any trouble. However at the moment she was surrounded by a bunch of young guys who were equally as tough and they were pushing and pulling her back and forth, yanking at her clothes and touching her and laughing and shouting insults. She was obviously afraid, yet she was still fighting and snapping back at them. There were probably at least five or six; I can't recall their specific looks, though maybe they were a mixed bunch, kind of scruffy and lean. Perhaps the leader had a short black beard or goatee. I seemed to keep poking my way among them but it's like I wasn't even there; nobody even responded to me, and my actions, such as they were, made no difference.

I believe they backed her up against a car and surrounded her. One of them sneered something about her genitalia, I think, and as if watching this on TV I glanced down at her. She was leaning against the car, arms spread out to her sides, maybe kind of slumped down a bit, and the look on her face was both furious and humiliated. I saw that her miniskirt had ridden up and...this is awkward, but yes, her private area was exposed. She wasn't wearing any underwear. And she was bare down there, as if shaven. I could see this part just peeking out from below her skirt and I felt sorry for her. It looked as if this had happened on accident but I really get the feeling the guys had done it somehow, maybe pulled up her skirt, or removed her underwear, if she'd had any. I can't describe the humiliated look she had on her face--she looked as if she wanted to rip their heads off, yet was too ashamed to even move. She didn't even cross her legs or bring her arms forward to defend herself, just leaned that way, fully exposed and embarrassed.

Here the dream gets vaguest. I'm not sure what happened, exactly. I think maybe she fought them some more, based on what happened after this, but I can't recall since I didn't seem to witness it. I don't think she was actually raped by the group of men, though it was certainly close. I sense she at last fought them off and managed to escape. The thing is, now it's like somebody--a girl, maybe much like the victim I'd just seen only attired more conservatively--was telling me this scenario, and it turned out that it had all been a dream of hers. She was very serious as she described it, almost as if it HAD been real, yet it hadn't. She seemed to be according the dream some more power than it should have had, but it made sense somehow. I think maybe we were in my house now, in the kitchen, at night with the lights on, and I stood and listened to her intently even though it's kind of like I never saw her or she wasn't really there--maybe I was reading it, or hearing a recording of her, or she was talking through something like a phone or TV? *shrug* Anyway I nodded as she told her story and about how she had reacted during the attempted rape in her dream. I specifically remember her actions of yelling reciprocating insults at the men, and of physically attacking them herself. At one point I think she said she nearly jabbed at one's eyes or grabbed one's private parts, but she either stopped herself from doing so or didn't get the chance, and that confused me since that's what I would have done first off, if possible. But in any case, she'd escaped, because of her actions in the dream.

I waited until she had finished her story--maybe Ma was with me again--and then started to murmur, "While what she did should be commended, I'm not really sure it was such a good idea to insult these guys, or to physically attack them before they were attacking her..." but then I cut myself off. I felt conflicted. I felt that this girl had endangered herself by possibly making what was already a bad situation escalate--by insulting the men, she stood the chance of enraging them and making them more violent, and by attacking them before they had started attacking her (my image was of them surrounding her by the car, yet they were not touching her yet), she might have set them off when there could have been a chance that they weren't going to attack her after all--in short, maybe her attack prompted theirs.

But the OTHER part of me was thinking, "She was right in doing EVERYTHING she had the chance to do! Who cares that they hadn't attacked her yet? She was scared, and their intent was pretty obvious. While her insulting them was kind of stupid, she was perfectly right in attacking them first. In that situation a woman should take every chance she can get to defend herself, even by going on the offensive. If she had waited, she might have never gotten that chance."

Realizing this was what made me shut up in my argument. I still felt that she had possibly made the situation worse than it already was, and could have endangered herself beyond what the men intended, but then again in such a situation, what is one expected to do, really? I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same if it were me. :/



2004 Dreams
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