05/23/04
School's Out For The Minister


This is all very vague and muddled and patchy so I'll just put it in the order that makes the most sense.

I was in school; perhaps it was the high school, though everything was different. I get the feeling it was near the end of the school year as it seemed to be hot and sunny out; inside the lights didn't seem to be on in the entire school. The class I was in seemed to be like a science lab and I think one of my college teachers was the teacher--either Mr. Siverson (anatomy teacher) or Mr. Bennett (abnormal psychology teacher), who shared a passing resemblance to each other--graying hair, glasses, kind of mousy/nerdy appearance. There was a big blackboard ahead of us and like I said, the lights weren't on in here so dim light from outside (to the right?) was filtering in the windows (shaded side of the building, away from the sun); I think the door was to the left, at the front of the class. Some things happened, then I learned that we were being let out of school early, like ten or eleven AM though it seemed more like lunch. We started getting up to leave this class and I realized this was the last one. I was surprised by this but also pleased that at least there was no more school, though at the time I wasn't sure why we were being let out so soon; it hadn't been planned, at least.

As I stood I think I looked over my right shoulder toward a bookcase at the back of the class, where some of our textbooks had been put. Should I bring my science textbook home with me to study? I knew we had a test or quiz coming up the next time and I hadn't studied for it. I pondered this a moment as the others filed out. I didn't think it would be a HUGE test, and I wasn't sure which pages exactly I had to study. Maybe I would have time to browse over the text in the few free moments before the test; rote repetition is about the only mnemonic device I use anyway, and I didn't want to bog down my pack with a bunch of books. I decided to leave it on the shelf, though I might have taken something else.

We left, though we seemed to end up, rather than outside the school, in some sort of small inner or back room, maybe a little private office or something. There were only a few of us now. I seem to remember Shawn E. (student from elementary school through high school), but maybe he was in the class itself. In the back room I seem to think of Michelle T. (old friend) and S. (someone from online whom I have never met). Now before I go on I must explain something. Without going into huge detail...in real life, on the Internet, S. is someone I contacted about information on a spiritual matter a few months back. She seemed willing to communicate but twice the communication ended abruptly for a long while, and so far it has not picked up yet. Recently I posted publicly asking others for advice on how to handle this as I really would like to continue the communication, but I feel very hurt and confused and do not want to bother her if I have been; I don't know why she has not written. Add to this the fact that just the morning before this dream I wrote up a long journal entry about spiritual matters, which were the reason I contacted her in the first place; I think these two related events might have influenced this dream.

Anyway...maybe Michelle, definitely S., likely the teacher or a teacher, maybe a couple of other people, and I myself were now in this tiny room, sitting at cramped desks. The lighting in here was bright as there were no windows; I think the walls were offwhite. I'm not sure what exactly was going on, but it had to do with books we had made. Handmade books. (Another possible tie-in to real life--recently I have made my first handmade books, sewn and bound and everything, and have been browsing numerous journaling and book-making sites.) There were three bound handmade books sitting on a table or desk right in front of me/us. (I seemed to be on the left, facing the door; I believe Michelle (if she was there) and S. were to my right.) While the teacher or whoever talked, I looked at the books. I knew that Michelle (?), S., and I had made them, one each. I think they were going to be entered in a contest, or maybe given away, or something; in any case, mine was on the far left, and seemed to have a plain orange hardcover. They were kind of medium sized, like typical hardcovers. These ones looked professionally made, though, with perfectly aligned pages and everything. I can't remember what Michelle's was about, but both hers and S.'s seemed slightly bigger than mine and had something, like illustrations or designs, on the cover. S.'s was on the far right and had some sort of primitive artwork on the front, and I knew it was about Native American mythology. This made sense as in real life, Native American spirituality was the subject I had contacted her about. I knew that she had not only made but had written this book, and I really wanted to read it once I saw the cover. (The designs looked Northwestern, like Kwakiutl or something.)

S. sat at the desk off to the far right. In my dream she was a somewhat big woman but not huge or anything. Long, slightly wavy brown hair trailing down her shoulders. Older, like in her forties. She was facing me slightly but not looking at me. I looked right into her face and I wanted to ask if I could read the book but my hurt and anger about her not replying to my e-mails lingered with me and I said nothing; it was the feeling one gets after a feud with a friend, when you realize you are still not on speaking terms even though you want to be. I turned away before she could see that I was looking at her. I felt embarrassed. I noticed now how the other two's books were bigger and better made than mine, even though the pages and cover on mine looked PERFECT by real-life standards (my real-life handmade book is nice but kind of messy!)--I mean, all three of these books looked like a major publisher had put them out. Still, for some reason mine seemed very inadequate next to the other two, and I felt jealous and insignificant now as well.

I guess we then got up to leave. I know there was more involving what was going on in the classes but I can't remember it. We went outside and we seemed to be downtown but as I said everything looked much different. It was sunny and shady because of the trees, nice and warm and green with paved areas and backstreets and such. Like near a park or something. I think we were on a sidewalk. We seemed to just split up. As I went out I noticed a very strange sight driving past...a stretch ambulance. o_o That's right--it was like a stretch limo, but it was an ambulance. Long and white...it's very hard to describe. You know how ambulances are blocky looking? Well, it's like this stretch ambulance had blocky corners every so often, like every length of one ambulance it had blocky corners, but the rest of it was rather streamlined; it was not like a bunch of separate ambulances arranged in cars on a train. It was just one long vehicle with numerous little blocky corners running along the top and maybe bottom, and with a normal ambulance front and back, I believe. This appeared off to the right (which I feel would have been the direction of the river and Main Street, if this were Cheboygan) and drove past, toward the left. I felt that the others were watching it too. Even in the dream I found such a sight odd.

I believe I then somehow found out the reason for being let out of school so early. Some sort of religious leader, a minister or something, had died, and as some of the other schools were being closed early in memory of him, they decided to close my school too. I thought this was kind of strange, since school and religion are meant to be kept separate; I couldn't understand why they were closing public schools to grieve the death of a religious leader. I didn't much question it though; a free day was a free day. I thought that the stretch ambulance might have been meant for him.

I can't help but think this entire dream had something to do with the conflicting emotions I've been having about communication with S. The school makes me think of how I wanted to learn more from her, and all the religious elements--the Native American mythology book, the dead minister, even Michelle (who was rigidly religious in a way I did not much care for)--make me think of my recent concerns with spirituality. As for what exactly the dream is saying, I haven't much of an idea. :/



2004 Dreams
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