11/02/03
The Friggin' Watchers Again!


I had that damn recurring dream again yesterday! Grrr! >_<

Please reference any of my "Watcher" dreams to know what I'm talking about. I did not take notes, so this is vague by now, but it always goes almost the same so you should get the general idea.

In this version of the dream, I was at home during the daytime, by myself it seemed. Everything seemed kind of tannish, but not in an ugly way; I think it was sunny outside. I don't know what I was doing but it was just regular, alone-at-home stuff; maybe trying to type, write, read, whatever. You know, by now I can't even recall exactly how this started...I just remember there were a lot of kids outside for some reason, and they started crowding around the windows. Grinning in at me in this stupid, superior, creepy snotty little kid way.

I think first of all I went to the northwest window in the living room. I was attempting to remain calm so I wouldn't give them any reason to start laughing, even though I felt like panicking and running to hide! I decided to cover up all the windows even though they had already seen me; I'd be damned if I'd let them KEEP watching me! Little snots! I remember leaning toward the ones at that window and calmly saying something about "social anxiety" or "avoidance"--I was letting them know about the anxiety disorder which inhibits social interactions. I was never diagnosed with it but it's obvious I have it. I was trying to inform these kids that just because I was shy and reclusive didn't mean I was crazy, and they should really not be looking for ways to torment me just because they didn't understand me. In short, go laugh at somebody else, morons. They just grinned in at me. Little kids, like in kindergarten or elementary school. Most often these dreams feature older gradeschool kids, or early high schoolers, at least. I wonder why they were all so young this time. In particular I seem to remember an elfin-faced blond girl with this VERY IRRITATING grin. UGH I by no means advocate violence against children but I just wanted to rub their little faces in...that was how much they terrified and infuriated me, just staring at me like that...

I closed those blinds and moved to the next window, knowing they'd just follow me. There were children gathered around every window already, but those at the covered windows would come and join those at the uncovered windows as I went around the house. I pulled the blinds on that window, and probably on the front picture window too, although I don't remember doing that one. I went out to the dining room and pulled the blinds on the computer window. Little snots were still grinning at me like Satan's spawn. Then I progressed on my way out to the utility room, just going window by window. Out in the utility room in real life we have three window sections of two side-by-side windows each--six windows, in three sections. They thus all by necessity have wider than average blinds which are sometimes troublesome to work. I can't remember the east-facing windows, but on the north-facing window I had difficulty. I pulled the blinds, but it was like part of them got caught or hung up and the kids could still peer in this crack. I think I fiddled with it a bit without success; not wanting to spend more time fixing it, and thus providing the kids with more viewing entertainment, I merely left it and decided just to not set foot in that room again.

I think it might have been between here and my bedroom, like in the hallway or something...I can't remember how this went, but there was one room where the window wasn't covered, and a room where it was or else there wasn't one (like the bathroom, which is windowless and thus the only "safe" room in the house). I was walking away from a window I'd just covered and I noticed the kids moving over toward the next window, knowing I'd logically proceed there. I played a brief mindgame with them by darting into a doorway where they could not see me, so they would arrive at the window and not find me there. Ha ha, little brats! But the ploy worked only for a moment because I could not stay in the doorway if I ever hoped to cover the rest of the windows.

I believe I finally made it to my bedroom. The little jerks were peering in there as well, all grinning! I was feeling absolutely TERRIBLE by now. Ugh...and I can't really remember what happened next. I think I was desperate to just be left alone and get something done, like reading or something, but I could not with those brats all around. I think I was trying to cover up my bedroom windows, both with the cardboard and with the blinds, and they might have been presenting a problem, too. Like they wouldn't cover all the way or something. I think I only remember covering up the southwest one facing the highway. There also seemed to be something about a necklace hanging in front of the window...can't really remember what that was or what it had to do with anything. All I know is I was still dealing with these infuriating children, and feeling just absolutely panicked and awful, when I abruptly awoke--I hadn't set my alarm and thus woke up later than I'd intended.

I am SO pissed off to keep having these dreams. I believe I understand what they mean--they're obviously reflections of my avoidance and fear of other people--but why are these other people in my dreams always YOUNGER than I am?? And for God's sake, I already KNOW I am afraid of being in the spotlight--I get the point--so why can't I just stop having this dream already! >_<



2003 Dreams
HOME