09/30/03
Northern Lights Aid
This is a dream from several nights ago. In real life my mother has been considering going to ask if I could be put on disability due to my mental state (I have OCD, but also suffer from some undiagnosed social phobia or avoidance which inhibits my interactions with people). To do this we would have to go to Petoskey. In my dream, it was evening and getting dark outside and I sat in the living room with the lights on. Ma came into the room and said something like, "Well, we can go to Northern Lights on the seventh."
Now, I knew that by "Northern Lights," she meant the name of the agency or whatever we had to go to to apply for disability. That was the name of it, in my dream. I have no idea why it was called that. :/ By "seventh," I knew she meant the seventh of next month--which in my dream made it September 7th. So my dream was for some reason taking place in late August, not September. I seemed to have traveled a month back in time here. *shrug*
"The seventh?" I echoed, then snorted. "They would schedule it for when it's supposed to be that time of the month..." For, in real life last month, I kept track of when I started menstruating and it was close to the beginning of the month, not the end. I figured I would be on my period when we had to go to Northern Lights, and this annoyed me.
"What?" Ma paused and looked at me in puzzlement.
"The seventh," I said. "It'll probably be that time of the month for me then."
"Oh--no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "Not the seventh. The twenty-seventh." I suddenly realized I must have misheard her, as I knew she had not misspoken. "September 27th. Why? Should I reschedule it?"
"No--September 27th? That's better," I said in relief. "You don't have to reschedule it." I felt better about that, and a bit anticipatory; I assumed we would go to Northern Lights and I would have to speak with a psychiatrist who would examine my mental state and decide whether I was a candidate for disability or not. I was more excited by the prospect of being able to speak with a psychiatrist than by anything else; truthfully, in real life I wish this is the way it worked as I would so love to see a shrink again! Though also in real life I am 99% certain it will be just bothersome paperwork to fill out, we won't have the proper info, and I won't qualify anyway because "shyness" is not an adequate complaint for disability pay. :(
The reason why I take note of such a mundane dream? It's because of the amount of detail there was; even now I remember the basic conversation we had, as well as the specific details of "Northern Lights," the dates of the seventh and twenty-seventh, and what month the appointment was in, September, which was next month (even though in real life that's this month and by the time I had this dream September 7th had already passed). I just found it odd how I could remember such specific details when normally I can't; and I still wonder why the name of the financial aid agency was "Northern Lights." Significance? :/
World Radio
This dream is from my regular sleep of a few nights ago. All I really remember is that I was in my room at night or morning and had a special radio sitting on the edge of my bed, in the position I place my tape/CD player when listening to it loud. In real life the night before I had gone to Wal-Mart with my mother and had seen some very funky-looking CD players/boomboxes. Some seemed more aesthetic than utilitarian, and were very weird looking. I think this influenced my dream, as this radio I had looked odd in some way that I can't recall. I just remember I was intrigued by it.
I was listening to my favorite station, I believe, when the reception started acting up. Miffed, I fiddled with it but had little luck. I then noticed that the radio had a sort of inset/slanted plastic or glass case/screen protecting a series of what looked to be dials or gauges. There were maybe five or six of them in two rows. (The radio box itself was black, and more square than boombox shaped.) One of the gauges represented my own local radio station. I now realized that I had a special kind of radio that could pick up international broadcasts! These other dials represented different radio stations at different points both nation- and worldwide! One of them was for Caracas or something, some foreign city or country. The reason the reception had been so bad on my LOCAL station? Simple--I had it set for one of the international receivers, and of course my local station was not receiving properly. (I guess there were two things you had to fiddle with--whether you wanted it to pick up local or international stations, and the exact station frequency itself. Something like that...I had it set for my local station's frequency, but also set to pick up an international station, so it wasn't working right and so while I could still hear snippets of my local station, they were very staticky, and I could not hear any international broadcast at all.)
Interested by this, I nonetheless resolved to fix the setting so it would play my local station...and decided to check out the international ones only after I had figured out how to do that. But I never got to listen to any different radio stations. >:/
There They Get Her Now
I had this dream and several others on 9/29/03, while napping during Dragnet. The dreams all intertwined, and in some I was partly conscious as I could hear the TV's dialogue in the background, and I even asked myself several times if I should wake up or not. Each time I decided not to, and descended back into my dreams, which kept changing.
I can remember only one tiny fragment which was directly influenced by Dragnet. I heard Joe Friday talking about somebody, then he said something like, "And there they (or he?) get her" (or "go after her," or something similar) "now." Right after he said this, I saw an old dilapidated schoolbus or some such sitting in an overgrown field in overcast weather, and a guy was backing out of the door, which now that I think of it was on the wrong side--it was on the driver's side. (The rear end of the bus was facing me but I had a slight view of its left side.) I think the guy had black or dark hair and a jacket, and there may have been a few other guys standing outside waiting for him. As he backed out I think he was messing with his belt or something, and a woman either leaned out or came out after him. I sensed the guys were Russian or Ukrainian--I think in real life on Dragnet they were talking about Ukrainians--and the woman was of some ethnic minority, maybe, as she may have been wearing a scarf over her head; or perhaps it was a babuskha. She was older, unattractive, and worn looking. Based on Friday's speech I assumed these guys had gone after her for retribution or to silence her for some reason, and the way the guy was fiddling with his belt or whatever as he got off the bus made me suspicious. I wondered if he had raped her in there to threaten her, and I felt guilty for watching this. (It's like it was a TV show.)
I don't remember which particular dream it was during, but at some point during my nap my heart started beating very quickly. I paused to put my hand to my chest and remarked about this aloud to whoever was with me in the dream, as I found it so odd; perhaps I knew I was dreaming, and so the situation was made even stranger in my opinion, why I would notice my heartbeat, and why it would be so fast. I could have written this off as just a dream in itself, but as when I awoke my heart was still beating fast, I think it really happened. I'm not sure what could have caused it, as I was not having a nightmare or anything of the sort; even in the dream I was puzzled. :/
Out Of The Closet In The Hidden Hallway
This dream is from my nap of 9/29/03.
I can't remember how it started, but I seemed to be at somebody's house; maybe it was supposed to be mine, but it looked completely different. I feel it was set way out in the woods though not so it was dark all around us; it was overcast outside, with this white light shining down through the trees(?). I never set foot outside though so I can't be sure; I think I merely glimpsed it through the windows. For some reason the house made me think of my Aunt Carol's house, though in layout it did not resemble it in the least. *shrug*
I went wandering toward a back part of it and encountered a closet-type thing. It wasn't like a normal closet with a door and a space you can walk into. In fact I don't even remember a door. I just know there was this space set into the wall in the left corner and there was a shelf high up above my head. I didn't pay attention to what was on my level, lower in the closet, at first; it was the high shelf that caught my attention. There was just a piece of cheap wood forming the shelf, maybe painted offwhite or yellowish/cream; above this was a small space, maybe a couple of feet high and a few feet wide. There was a window inside this small space too, letting in soft white or yellowish light so the little top shelf was unusually well lit. I think part of the wall or front of the closet projected downwards in front of this shelf area, so while there may have been a couple of feet of space up and down in it, the space through which one could reach it--to squeeze through into it--was only several inches wide.
I stared up at this shelf area and now had the desire to crawl up into it and use it as a personal hiding space. I've always wanted a hiding space of my own in real life, in this house, but that is for personal items, not hiding myself! I think this might have been influenced by real life actually as a long time ago, while my mom was poking around in the bathroom closet, she pushed up on the tile at the top and it popped open and a GUN fell out! I screamed, but it turned out it was only a cap gun she had hidden from my brother in a space up above the closet and had forgotten about years ago! I had never even known we'd had a hiding space, and it made me jealous for one of my own. Well, in this dream, the hiding space was the top shelf of the closet ITSELF, and what I wanted to hide was ME.
"I bet I could fit up there," I mused, even though it would be a VERY tight, uncomfortable fit; I would only be able to crouch in an almost fetal position. But it would be so cool! A tiny little room with a window and all--maybe I could even crawl out the window to escape the house (though in real life, based on the size of this little narrow rectangular window, and my weight and width, it would be impossible :( ). I don't know why I really wanted to go up there, but I did.
I looked now at the SPACE allowed to squeeze into this area, and sighed. "If that weren't so narrow," I continued, as it was only a few inches between the shelf and the overhang. I began to wonder if there was ANOTHER way to reach the shelf...only now it's like I was trying to reach the "other side" of the closet, as I knew there was something concealed behind it. Like a whole hidden room, or something. Maybe the little shelf was just a part of it, or a way into it. I had to find another way I could actually fit through.
So I returned my attention to the lower part of the closet...which now was no longer really a closet, but a window in the wall. It was partly open, and styled like one of my own windows; I had opened it earlier, maybe while trying to get at the upper shelf. The wall was all gray and I pulled the window open further; behind it I could see what looked to be another room or a hall all in gray as well, like a storage area. I may have moved some junk out of the way first. I had something like a broomstick with me, and I stood back and poked this through the window, waving it around; I was trying to dispel any cobwebs that might be dangling in the area, as I didn't want to get dirty. (There was a lot of effort involved in this whole part of the dream, as if opening and clearing the window were difficult or strenuous.) I don't recall seeing any cobwebs though, so I pulled the stick back in and then put my hands on the windowsill and pulled myself through to the other side. YES!
I ended up in an odd medium to light gray hallway. It turned away at both ends and I suddenly realized that this hall surrounded the ENTIRE house, and was concealed from the inside behind the walls. (It was never explained how it couldn't be viewed or noticed from outside; even though logic dictates it would have been, I knew that it wasn't.) It wasn't a hidden room--it was a hidden HALLWAY! :D Coolness! It was meant to be like a storage area or something, but had gone mostly unused although I do know there were various items sitting along its walls--utilitarian things, like brooms and glass and such, I can't remember what specifically. What's more, it was not dark, but well lit by windows which lined its outer walls, looking out over the woods(?) and letting in that overcast white light. There were lots of these windows, all lined up, so I had a good view of outside and could easily see around myself. The hidden hallway was dusty and old like a basement, but so enticing and intriguing! I had a sudden desire now to DANCE around this hallway in my spare time--I would make it my own personal space in which I could do whatever I wanted! I could even listen to my music in here and dance around in broad daylight and nobody would see me! Well, maybe they would HEAR me, and I think my mom (or some important female figure in the dream) knew of its existence, so it wasn't ENTIRELY private, but still...
I abandoned the dancing idea, but was determined to explore this new and fascinating area. I may have left to tell somebody or speak with somebody; I feel my mom was in the dream, and maybe some other woman/women, maybe aunts of mine, like Carol or Rose or Theresa; as I said, I felt the house was meant to be ours, but it also felt kind of like somebody else's. I didn't get to check out the hall in any more depth, however. *sigh*
I Did NOT Have To See That!
This dream is from my nap of 9/29/03.
I seemed to be out in or near the utility room, and I located a shopping flyer like from KMart or something. Mildly interested, I glanced at the toys section and found an ad for a Scooby Doo plush toy. At first I thought it was Scooby Doo--in drag. O_o Then I realized it was not him but one of his female relatives. She appeared to be younger--a puppy, but older and bigger than Scrappy Doo--and she was sitting upright on a little roundish bed or cushion. Everything around her, and her accessories, were in red and pink. I sensed it was a Valentine's Day-themed toy. Anyway she sat up on this bed, with a big pink bow on her head, and coy, heavy-lidded eyes, though I sensed an innocence to her too; she was knowing, but it wasn't like she was supposed to be slutty or anything. In front of her sat some object--the first thing that came to my mind was music box, so maybe that's what it was--also in red and pink. Perhaps she had some candies with her. I seem to remember feathers, like a boa, so perhaps she wore one. I thought of Marilyn Monroe for some reason. O_o
I looked at the ad and noticed now that her name was Barbara Dee. She was a young cousin of Scooby's or something.
"She's cute," I murmured, and left the room to go into the dining room and show the ad to my mom. Ma was seated at the computer, though I don't remember it being on, and I don't think the lights were on either; it was dim in the room, like daytime but overcast, and seemed kind of brownish. She wasn't facing the computer, that I can recall, but sat a bit away from it, maybe facing the living room. I walked up to her and showed her the flyer picture of Barbara Dee. "Isn't she cute?"
"Oooohhhhh!" Ma exclaimed, taking the flyer and looking at it. She then reached into the paper and pulled out Barbara Dee's picture, so instead of holding a piece of torn paper she now held the stuffed toy itself. It was maybe a foot high, including the bed base, maybe a bit less. I didn't question this ability of Ma's; it made perfect sense in the dream.
"She's adorable!" Ma exclaimed, then with a neutral expression pulled down her shirt and placed the mouth of the Barbara Dee toy to her BREAST!! :O ! OMG!! My mom started to BREAST FEED Barbara Dee!! She wasn't wearing a bra, and the breast she was using--her left one--seemed rather flat; I remember her skin looked a little coarse or porous, and her...ew...nipple was brownish. >_< Ick ick ick! I caught a glimpse of her other breast and it seemed fuller and kind of saggy... It's like the Barbara Dee toy now had a little pouty mouth meant for suckling at a toy bottle, and Ma just put it to her breast with this totally neutral look like it was the most normal thing! I knew she couldn't really "feed" it, it was more a gesture to show how cute she thought the toy was, but STILL--!
I turned my head away to face the left and exclaimed, "I did NOT have to see that!" Even in the dream I was thoroughly appalled, disgusted, and embarrassed by this. EW! Ma seemed slightly amused, but it was true--I so did not have to see that!! >_<;
Rodent Of Unusual Size
This dream was from my nap of 9/29/03.
This was the dream I made myself awaken from for good, for some reason; I don't remember its details very well by now. Basically, I was in the living room with Ma (maybe she sat in her beading chair) and Cosmas, it was daytime, and I spotted an odd little rodent making its way across the floor. It was very strange looking, kind of like a yellowish hedgehog! It had a pointed nose, I believe, and tiny ears, and like quills or spines all over its body. Just this odd dark yellowish color. And SO TINY! It was maybe an inch and a half, two inches long, and was shaped rather like a dachshund. Just trundling along the floor as if it had been there all its life!
Amazed, I leapt up and went over to investigate. I really, really wanted to capture it and look at it closer, and maybe keep it, as it was so cute. But I felt bad about doing something like that, too. It didn't move very quickly, just kind of ambled around like it had trouble walking. Was it hurt? Or just lost? A good portion of the dream was spent with me following this creature around the living room floor. I finally picked up a glass or something and carefully set it down atop the creature, capturing it. I felt very bad doing this; I didn't want to scare it. :( But I was so torn, I really wanted to keep it too. I decided I would at least look at it more closely. I somehow lifted the glass and got the rodent out so I was holding it. It was adorable!
I was afraid it would bite me, however. It seemed confused and a little slow so it wasn't in any hurry to chomp into me, but at some point I felt pressure on my hand; I don't remember the rodent biting me with its teeth, or doing anything else, or even stinging me, but I knew the pressure was its doing. It didn't hurt, but it told me the creature was feeling anxious. (This part might have in fact come AFTER the next part; I'm not sure.) I believe I set it back on the floor so it wouldn't panic, and it started wandering around again.
And then Cosmas leapt out of nowhere and POUNCED on it!! D: He managed to pin it, but I yelled and grabbed him up and got him off of it as quickly as I could. "Bad cat!" I put him aside and snatched up the little rodent, cradling it in my hands and hoping it was all right. The poor thing. :(
Well, Coz had gotten in at least one good blow. One of the little creature's eyes was shut, maybe clawed or swollen (there was nothing overly gory or anything), and there was a smear of blood on its head. I knew he'd at least hit it in the eye and maybe another part of the head; it wasn't necessarily blinded, but I couldn't be sure. I felt very bad for it, and it was as I was sitting there holding it in my hands that I drifted toward consciousness one last time; I asked myself if I wanted to wake or to remain dreaming, told myself that I should wake up so my mom could go to bed, and then did so.
2003 Dreams
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