05/03/03
No Pinocchio Jokes, Please
Perhaps a week or so back I had a vague, odd dream that something was happening to my face. For some reason my nose was lengthening or changing shape or something. I was panicking about this. I remember that I suddenly started yelling, "This is a dream! This is a dream!" and as soon as I did that, my nose returned to normal...odd. What's odd is that although I was yelling that, and witnessed the results so MUST have known on some level that it was a dream, again, I did not know that the ENTIRE thing was a dream, so aside from that bit of control, I couldn't control anything else, nor did I wake up.
I mention this dream because of its similarity to "Lucid Falling" and "Attack Of The UFOs," the only two other dreams I've ever had that demonstrate at least slight lucidity.
Dangerous People
The night before last, while napping, I had several dreams influenced by what was on TV. One had something to do with Third Watch, but my memory of that part of the dream is very fuzzy; all I remember is some of the characters gathering in some room, perhaps getting ready to go on a sting or raid or something. I know that Yokas was there. Then there was another scene with Tatiana. At first I heard her voice, and I remember her saying something like, "These are dangerous people." (I think this was carryover from the episode in real life.) I had a feeling of dread, and then they showed her sitting in a car--it was winter, snowy, and kind of dim out--beside a man who was not Sully. I believe they were near a park. I think he might have been a Russian mobster and both of them were well dressed; they might have been sharing a bite to eat or a drink or something. Tatiana was smiling and maybe they toasted each other. I was worried she was having an affair with this guy, but then I thought maybe she was "undercover" for some reason; at least I hoped she was. For some reason I hated the thought of her being a traitor.
There might have been an additional "sting" scene featuring the cops wandering down dirty hallways in some building, but I can't remember it well.
This dream may have then shifted into "Killer Moth!"
Killer Moth!
This dream may have shifted out of "Dangerous People."
There was this big moth attacking me. This mildly reminds me of "Dragonfly Love," but the moth was not ABNORMALLY huge; it was just a big moth. Big and furry. I can't recall all the details but I was dodging it through the house (the house seemed dingy, not quite our own) and trying to get some peace from it. I think I tried to lie down to nap and it came over and started poking me in the head, hard; I fled again. I think I managed to shut it outside via a screen door where the front porch door normally is, but somehow it got back in even though that was impossible! I didn't even know how it did it. It came after me again. It kept battering itself against me and poking me and I was getting very flustered and scared. Why wouldn't it leave me alone?
Walking Forgotten Roads
I went for a walk yesterday morning, and during my regular sleep had a dream that seemed to be based on this. Again, it's very faded. All I remember is walking and walking and walking along some strange road that seemed to be in place of Hackmatack Road (which I partially walked yesterday). I think I went to the end (it's a dead-end road but meets up with another road)...it's very hard to describe the way the setting made me feel. It was overcast but probably warm out; I felt it was summer. The grass was dried green and it was more open than foresty around me, though it was hilly and there were stands of trees and bushes here and there. The further I went the stranger things felt to me; I hadn't known any of this was even down here. I remember passing a very large, nice house on my left; the right side seemed wilder than the other. I think I got the feeling that even though I didn't remember any of this, I HAD been here before, long ago; deja vu. I had the feeling I should remember something important. Maybe I would if I continued on my way.
I just kept walking and walking. At one point I stopped and saw a building poking out of the trees to the left, behind me. (Thus on my right, when I turned around fully.) It looked like some kind of tourists' center with refreshments and such. For some reason it surprised me to find this here; I decided to go look at it closer, maybe get something to drink. I could see only the end of it with a window(s). But when I got closer it was no longer a public building but somebody's home, I think. I was confused by this but went on my way. (I may have this part out of order with the next in terms of which happened first.)
I finally came to the end of the road and now it ended in a sort of round, flat, grassy area with a slight ridge all along the edge. This part in itself was a rise above the rest of the scenery, like a flat-topped mound. I think the land around it was very far below; I got the feeling of something like Fort Holmes on Mackinac Island, and I think I went over to the edge to get a closer look. I had a feeling of anxiety but also of freedom, discovering these things I hadn't known before (yet which felt familiar, somehow). I think there was a pine forest around this--it's like I was looking out over their tops--and I thought of the long path with the power lines that used to be out back of my aunt Carol's house long, long ago (a path I wondered about, but never walked).
Goren? What Are You Doing In My Radio?
I slept through a repeat of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, which almost definitely influenced this dream snippet from my nap last night. In it, I was in my bedroom (at night?) listening to the radio when I think the station went staticky. I may have tried to tune it, or it may have come back on its own--but it was no longer music, but Detective Bobby Goren from the TV show talking about something. I can't remember what, now, but it must have been his voice making its way into the dream. I remember I was very baffled as to why HE was on my radio, and I may have tried to locate my station again; maybe they were playing Eighties music.
A Surprise Cockatoo
This dream, from my nap of last night, might have actually come near the time I woke up for good. It might have been the end of "Attack Of The UFOs" but I'm not sure. I just remember a fragment with me in the kitchen, along with a man with a cockatoo, and some other people. At first this cockatoo was a macaw or some such, then it switched to a white cockatoo, which surprised me, as I knew it had been a parrot before! (There was an unusual level of consciousness in my dreams of last night; I kept getting confused when things abruptly changed, as dreams tend to do.) The guy was standing near the utility room, facing the basement, and he had this bird on his shoulder; my point of view was odd as I seemed to be either taller than or above him, or perhaps he was small though he wasn't meant to be! The bird was on his left shoulder, closest to me (I think it was night again, with the lights on), and it suddenly dipped its head down low and spread its feathers all along its back so they plumed out to its sides, fanlike and horizontal (flat; not pressed against its body). And now instead of being white, it was white with light gray and pale pink. I remarked on this in surprise; as the colored feathers had been hidden beneath the white ones, I hadn't noticed them before. I think we were feeding the bird, also. I thought it was cute.
Miss No Short-Term Memory
One part of a dream from my nap last night, which might have been related to "Attack Of The UFOs," involved my dad and myself; I'm not sure if Ma was around. In real life Dad asked me to look for pictures related to two colleges and I'm having some trouble. In my dream, he asked me to look for something, and also to get him a certain military magazine. It might have been Sgt. Grit or something; I think that's the name of a real online store that offers a free catalog, but in my dream it was a magazine or comic book. I remembered to get him one thing, but not the magazine. It was only when I was back home (if I had even gone anywhere?) that he reminded me. "Oh!" I exclaimed. "I'll go get that now!" And I think I logged online to get a copy.
If they were not the same dream--which they could have been--this then may have shifted into "Is This Appropriate?"
Is This Appropriate?
If they were not the same dream, which they could have been, this may have then shifted out of "Miss No Short-Term Memory." It might also have been related to "Attack Of The UFOs."
My memory fades and I come to with me sitting on the couch by Dad. He was sitting in his regular spot, probably watching TV, and I was lying beside him with my head resting against his stomach or his lap. I don't think he was wearing a shirt. And though I felt safe and comfortable, I found myself wondering if this was appropriate.
Attack Of The UFOs
This dream may have been related to "A Surprise Cockatoo," "Miss No Short-Term Memory," and/or "Is This Appropriate?"
Now this dream from my nap last night had me most spooked. It was late night and I was getting ready to record Yu-Yu Hakusho as if it were still on Adult Swim. I'm confused about what exactly I was doing; I think I was taping an episode, but then I wanted to know what episode was on next(?), and if I had to tape it or not; I think I had forgotten to check the tape, so I wanted to go online to see the schedule to make sure I knew which episode it was. I went to the computer and found that Ma had logged off and for some reason this really inconvenienced me. I started yelling at her about it--"You logged off right when I needed to get online the most! I told you this would happen!" I was very upset, considering I don't much care for that cartoon. I guess I didn't have enough time to log back on before I had to start recording.
I think this was the same dream. I went back into the living room and it was still nighttime. I glanced up toward the northwest window and was startled to notice the sky flashing like lightning, only it was very regular and fast. Flash--flash--flash. Over and over like a strobe light or something. I stared at this in growing fear and confusion. Ma was nearby, though I don't know if she came into the room. "What is that? Lightning?" I asked aloud, and peered more closely.
The quick flashing abruptly died down, I think, and then a very weird glow emerged in the northwest. (My view was very good and not obstructed like it would be in real life. Now that I think of it this reminds me of a supposed "UFO sighting" I had when I was little, that might have been a dream; I've never been able to tell for certain which it was.) It was just a small smear of odd rainbowish color in the dark gray cloudy mass of the sky, but all of a sudden it came zooming forward, toward the road, past our house, striking one of the branches of the trees beside our house so that the entire branch splintered and crashed to the ground with an amazing noise. I stood frozen in fear as another smear of light appeared and whizzed by in similar fashion, then another, and another. I feared it was some kind of alien fleet of flying saucers; and if they all were as destructive as the first one, we could be in trouble! I didn't sense these were FRIENDLY beings!
I think I turned away from the window before I could see more and ran crying to Ma. My memory of events fades now, but it's like we were all getting ready to flee. ALL of us were there--Ma, Dad, myself, and even Cosmas--I carried him in my arms. There might have been, in addition, a rodent--a pet rat or hamster?--though I'm not sure if my brother Eric was there or not. For some reason the presence of my entire live-in family, cat included, surprises me though. I have a very clear memory of cradling Cosmas in my arms as I moved through the house in great fear and anxiety, my parents following.
Haze out again. I emerged outside the house in the daytime, accompanied by Ma; I'm not sure if I was still holding Cosmas, nor what happened to Dad. Things seemed peaceful now. I went walking toward the sideroad, in the direction of the mailbox, and thought to myself, or perhaps said aloud, "There's no fallen branch; it must have just been a dream." But then I came to the road and looked down and there was the huge fallen branch, impaled in the ground or the road like a giant splinter. I was filled with fear again--the branch WAS here, which meant this had to be reality! We WERE being attacked!
I backed away and did something very strange--I started saying, "It's just a dream--it's just a dream--it's just a dream!" over and over again. And while things already seemed to be calm--I don't know what happened to the lights or anything--suddenly everything seemed to right itself--perhaps the branch disappeared?--and I began to feel much calmer. The technique worked yet again!
But as with the other two times I did this, even though it's like I knew that particular PART of the dream wasn't real, I still didn't have full enough lucidity to know that the ENTIRE scenario I was in was a dream, so even though I told myself it was a dream, I did not wake up, and I did not control events beyond fixing the problem with the weird lights.
The Big Picture
I just remembered another dream I had a few nights ago. :) In it I was sitting at the computer at night looking at wallpapers, and I came across a big picture of what seemed to be a tree, without leaves, bathed in a slight orange light from an unseen sunset. I wasn't interested in it as it had too much brown for my tastes, and I left the computer for a moment. I came back and decided to check out the wallpaper after all. I clicked on it to bring up a larger image and instead of the one kind of gnarled tree by itself, with a road in the background leading away from the viewer, I could now see a sidewalk or some such to the right side, with tiny people way near the end. I was curious to see more detail of these walkers, for some reason. Somehow I got a closer look and now instead of people walking far away (I think they were pushing baby strollers, or had children with them), there was a bit to the far right where if I looked carefully I could see, behind a bush wall, perhaps, into a room of a house where some little girls were playing.
I looked closer. And now I could see even MORE. It was a room (a bedroom, perhaps?) in a ranch house or some such, white walls, lots of white...some carpeting...a bed, a bit unkempt, but the house was very new, and the children, young but not toddlers, were playing around. I think one was my cousin Sharon. Then I seemed to be in the house myself, perhaps with Ma in another room, and the girls still present.
This dream may have been part of or related to "Playing With Myself?!"
Playing With Myself?!
This dream may have been part of or related to "The Big Picture."
In this dream from a few nights ago--maybe it took place when I was away from the computer in "The Big Picture"?--I remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV, watching some program which escapes me now. Dad was sitting on the couch watching too; it seemed to be late evening. I was SHIRTLESS, and...I hate to say this...but I was kind of bouncing my right breast in my hand! o_o;; I was thinking of my "Ameni Chronicles" characters--it's an adult series I'm writing--and I was thinking of one of the females in particular--it may have been Kha'kaat. I believe I was pretending to be her, in my head, and she might have been trying to think of how best to entice a mate...maybe that's why I was doing that thing with my breast! Only after a while of doing this did I realize, hello, MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM! >_< Instead of panicking, I think I stopped doing what I was doing (I wasn't getting excited by it or anything, just getting in character o_O; ) and sat there, feeling very tense. Should I leave the room as if I hadn't been doing anything at all? Had he even noticed? He hadn't said anything. Maybe this was normal? Should I be embarrassed? Should I go PUT A SHIRT ON ALREADY? How embarrassing!
I think I finally just got up to go put on a shirt, hoping that Dad hadn't noticed...too much. As I had been pretty damn obvious just sitting there doing that in the open!!
2003 Dreams
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