04/18/03
Ma! Can I Keep Him??
This dream was from my regular sleep. It's rare for me to remember any from that period of the night (day). What remains is only a fragment by now, but that was all I remembered on awakening, too.
In it, I recall that I was adopting a kitten, and I had my choice of two. I seemed to be standing or kneeling before my southwest window--it was overcast outside, and dim in my room, so there was some cold white light shining in. I held one kitten in one hand and one in the other. I think one was a tabby of some sort, perhaps orange. I can't remember what the other cat was but there was something strange about it, I think; like it wasn't right. Maybe it was a tiger cub or something; I just know it didn't really "match" the other one. They were young and fuzzy, cute little things.
I had to decide on only one and this was a difficult decision. I even seemed to be weighing them, holding up one hand, then the other, indecisively.
I can't remember how I decided, but I finally ended up with one kitten even though I wanted to adopt both. I went out to the living room and now it seemed to be night or early morning. Ma was here. There was something odd about the living room; I think it had a sort of wavy, undulating track going all the way around it, perhaps pale blue in color; like a toy racing car track. I might have had to walk around or through it to get to Ma. I wanted to show her my kitten, but then I was sitting down instead, I think, either on the couch or at the computer. And instead of holding a kitten I was now holding a baby polar bear!! It must have been very young as it was only about Cosmas's (my real-life cat's) size. I held it the way I hold him, like a baby, and I was rubbing the fluffy white fur on its belly.
Ma came to me and I think she told me that I could not keep a polar bear cub. "Can you imagine how much trouble that thing will be once it grows up?" she stated.
I understood this, but it was just SOOOO cute! I did not want to give it up even though I knew that would probably be best. Instead I cooed and rubbed its belly and said, "But isn't he cuuuuuuute?" I thought he was the most adorable thing in the world, but Ma only rolled her eyes, I think.
Dragonfly Love
The dream I remember from my nap, right before I awoke, was very odd in how it made me feel. I know there was more to it but this is all I recall. It picked up with me going to the front porch door to look outside for some reason...ah, I remember now. One of my parents was going somewhere--maybe it was Ma and Eric, my brother. They were going somewhere together and while I didn't like being left behind, for some reason I told them I couldn't go. So for once it was not a matter of being abandoned; it was my decision, albeit a reluctant one. I can't remember where they were going. :/ Maybe Petoskey or Mackinac Island? Maybe to pick somebody up. I think they were going to be back in an hour or a few hours, not an all-day thing, but I was still a little sad. I went to the window to watch them go, only I ended up going to the porch door instead.
I can't remember what I did there, but for some reason I opened the door. It was now daytime, overcast. It had seemed like early morning or evening before...for some reason I think of the color brown, a sort of taupe-brown color. Not sure why; perhaps I was looking out the northwest window when I thought of that. Anyway, I went to the porch door and opened it and may have stuck my head out. I noticed now a VERY LARGE dragonfly headed straight for the door, just bobbing along at doortop level; it was coming right toward me, so I started shutting the door so it would not get trapped inside the house. (That, and the thing kind of scared me. It was HUGE! Maybe a foot long, with big green eyes the size of golf balls!)
Unfortunately for me, it entered the doorway right as I was trying to shut the door. I waved at it a bit, trying to shoo it out, but it bobbed around a bit and then came into the house. Darn it! I was terrified of it even though I felt it would not hurt me; it was just abnormally big, was all. It never flew hurriedly or made threatening motions besides coming right at me; it took its time doing everything. I kind of shied away from it, while trying to convince it to go toward the door again. I don't know how but I finally shooed it back outside, and shut the door behind it.
I looked back out the window to see what it would do. It kind of hovered around a bit before turning and coming back toward the door. I felt this immense fear as it came closer, its huge green metallic eyes coming RIGHT UP to the door before it stopped at the window and descended a bit, hovering at the bottom of the window's edge. It stayed there and stared in at me. My fear died somewhat; I'm not sure why I was so terrified of a creature that obviously meant no harm, but seeing it coming RIGHT at me, even in slow motion and behind glass, really freaked me out! I can't stress how big those eyes were. Eegh.
Perhaps it was just a fear of being watched? This does remind me of my "watcher" dreams, only with an overgrown bug instead of children or teenagers. o_O;
Anyway, I stared at it in growing curiosity as it just hovered here below the window. I don't remember seeing its wings moving; it was just like it floated. And the more I looked the smaller it seemed until it was just slightly bigger than real dragonfly size. It pressed its face to the window and put its front feet together in a praying position, before dropping its head and sinking a bit more as if in grief or disappointment. I leaned close to peer out at it. I knew now that it WANTED inside the house for some reason. But why?
"What is it that you want?" I asked it gently. And for a few brief moments, I entertained the idea that this dragonfly was in fact IN LOVE with me! It was even pining away for me--see? The way it looked so dejected once I had shut it out of the house! I was very flattered that such an odd creature would feel such grief in my absence, even if it kind of scared me...maybe I could learn to like it?
The dragonfly lifted its head and seemed to breathe on the window so a little area in front of its face fogged up. I held my breath and leaned even closer to see what it might write in the fog--I knew it would tell me what it really wanted. I didn't want to miss this moment.
And although its writing was very scratchy and didn't make much sense...dragonflies, after all, aren't the best at spelling, grammar, or human communication of any sort, period...and even though my brain was now trying to convince me to wake up...I stayed asleep, and the insect did manage a few letters; and from what I thought I understood, the main gist of it was that it wanted...candy.
o_O
Yes...the reason the dragonfly was pining was because it wanted candy--of which our house has plenty--and I had locked it out without giving it any.
I felt a sense of disappointment that the dragonfly did not actually love me, even if it liked me enough to want my candy, before I finally allowed the faint tuggings of consciousness to wake me up. What a downer.
2003 Dreams
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