04/03/03
The St. Valentine's Day Virus
I wanted to post only one of the dreams I had last night, but will post the other one I can remember as well. I'm not sure if or how they were influenced by what was airing on TV.
This one is actually the second of the two dreams, I think. It's all very confusing and mixed up so this could all be out of order; I'll just present it as it makes the most sense. It seemed to start out with Ma and/or myself using the computer; it was nighttime, and one of us was checking the e-mail; I think it was Ma. Dad was around too, doing something; it seemed very late at night, later than he would have been up. Ma disappeared briefly and I think then I was looking at the e-mail; I had heard something about a "Valentine's Day Virus," which was an e-mail sent with a large attachment, and the e-mail could have one of two different subjects that I knew of. They were both short little sentences, like "Take a look at this" or something, though I can't remember specifically what either one said. They could be sent from a familiar address or from one you didn't recognize, so the virus was very tricky. I wasn't sure how it was activated though--I think you had to at least preview the e-mail (meaning you didn't have to open the attachment to get infected), but my knowledge kept wavering; sometimes I felt you did have to open the attachment, then no, all you had to do was preview it. In the dream we had our preview window turned off, so I thought we'd be okay. I think I had gotten an e-mail or two like this at my webmail account and deleted them and figured that if we got any e-mails with the same subject in our regular account, we'd just delete them.
Why was it called the Valentine's Day Virus? I think the e-mail or attachment or maybe even the subject had something to do with the holiday, and maybe it originated on February 14th. In any case, I left the computer while the mail was receiving, and I think I did see at least one or two potential virus messages appear, but I wasn't overly concerned. Ma returned and resumed her spot at the computer...I may have this part mixed up. I seem to remember she was looking at it and then called my attention to it, but then it was just me again. Maybe she didn't return yet at all. Anyway, I went back to the computer and it was STILL checking the e-mail--and I noticed in shock that more and more and more and MORE of these infected e-mails were arriving in our inbox, from all sorts of addresses. There were over a hundred, and there were more on the way! It was a deluge of viruses! D: I started to panic because there were so many, I felt the flood would never stop--how would I delete them all? I think I tried to shut down the e-mail, but it wouldn't stop until they were all received, so it was like a logjam. Awful!
Ma DID return when I left the computer and she clicked on one of the e-mails on accident. As I said, we didn't have the preview window on, but a few times as we tried to delete this e-mail, we DID see the messages in the preview panel, and I worried about infection. Ma wasn't clear on what was going on so I had to try to explain it to her; which was difficult, as I was panicking! And her ignorance wasn't helping! (I remember mentioning the "St. Valentine's Day Virus," adding the word "Saint," because technically that's the name of the holiday; I think I was being a bit melodramatic.) We just seemed to keep screwing up as far as opening the e-mails was concerned; it was next to impossible to delete them all. AAGGHH! And the e-mail WOULDN'T STOP COMING!
I'm not sure what happened, but a tiny bit of control seemed to finally be exerted, and we sat and tried to clean up the mess. I tried to stop panicking and considered what I should do.
The dream shifted somewhat so now it was not just a computer virus but a real live plague that was sweeping across the Earth. I'm not sure how many people had been killed, if it was massive like from The Stand or something lesser; but it seemed that only SOME of us were trying to flee to get to a certain location, while others would be safe where they were. In other words it wasn't TOTAL panic, but I knew that myself and some others had to leave. Ma and my family were not among them. I remember an older guy who reminded me of an actor, but I can't remember who; he was with me, and some other people were with me too. The details of these parts are VERY fuzzy so I can only guess. It's also like I, or maybe we, were on the run from somebody. I said goodbye to my family and may have gotten some things together and prepared to leave.
Now the group of us (there were probably around 6-12 of us) were journeying somewhere. I feel it was out west, toward California or the mountains/desert or some such. We'd be safe there. But the voyage would be difficult. We were walking, though at one point maybe we had bicycles. This part of the dream just involved a lot of walking and talking and such. I very much respected this older guy leading us, the actor. He may have been like a cross between Christopher Walken and Michael Madsen. A softspoken, mildly ominous, kind of aloof guy, but very much in charge. I remember us being near some hills--strange steep rocky but smooth hills in odd twilight/dusk colors, violet and lavender and such; maybe being near a Wal-Mart; and standing out on some kind of school playground near the doors (off to my right), maybe with one of our members--a black female?--freaking out about something. It always seemed to be dusk.
I seem to remember some phrases or comments holding some importance somewhere, maybe two
comments, but I don't remember what they were or why they were so important.
We ended up in a place like Las Vegas, only it was VERY much abandoned and we seemed to be in a rural area, few buildings. Still dusk, near the desert. We were finding a motel to stay in for the night, and it was off to my right; we were out behind it. The actor guy (I say actor guy because he made me think of actors, not because he WAS one) made all the arrangements and now here we were. Actor Guy gestured at us and declared that we would pass some time in the pool.
We looked with some curiosity. There was an odd pool back here; roundish, like a bowl set into the ground, yet part of it rose above the ground too and I think it was reached with little ladders/staircases. Maybe with built-in slides and such. Like a mini-funland or something. It seemed very small, but kind of deep, and all of us could fit in it like in a hot tub. I found this idea intriguing, yet was concerned--"I thought this pool was for the high-paying residents!"--meaning those who paid for the premium rooms in the motel or whatever it was. Actor Guy agreed that it was, I think, but as he was in charge, we could do what we wanted. (Maybe he had threatened the owner of the place? :) ) Well...whatever he said. He knew best, after all. We started moving toward the pool and looking it over, though some of us were still wondering about the wisdom of the idea.
I wanted very much to climb up and slide down into it, and join the rest of them, but I was concerned about using it if we weren't allowed; about my own fear of water; and I don't think I had a bathing suit. >_< I sure had a lot of excuses. But I felt the water would be warm, and I really did want to join everybody else. I was also concerned about us wasting time here while we should have been running, but...like I said, Actor Guy was in charge and I felt he knew everything we should do. I placed total faith in him, even if I wasn't rushing to get in the pool. This is odd, because in real life I don't think I would trust someone, much less a total stranger, so completely.
There were some more details--Marg Helgenberger from CSI might have played a part, because she was on Biography right when I woke up and I think there was a little bit of carryover from that into my dream--but I can't remember what she was saying, so I can't remember what the carryover might have been.
A PS, now I do remember a tiny bit...in one part somebody mentioned something about guest-starring on the TV show Spenser, with Robert Urich. (They did not seem to say Spenser For Hire; just Spenser, which I ASSUMED meant the Urich show.) This may have been when we were on the playground, and I think Helgenberger may have said it, offscreen. Somebody--Actor Guy?--looked at me and I grinned, maybe laughed, and said, "Yeah, he is"--meaning, yes, Urich is dead, that's why hearing mention of the show Spenser was funny because it wasn't on anymore. Well...it was funny in the dream. *shrug*
Pity Poor Felman, AKA Felman's Suicide
This dream was the one I had first, during City Confidential and Third Watch. I think the latter show seeped into it a bit, though not plotwise. This one sticks with me and makes me think. It concerned a character of mine, Officer Chris Felman from my D Is For Damien stories.
In it, I was in a house that seemed like my Grandma B.'s house. I'm not sure why it looked like that. I was probably one of my characters, and there were a bunch of other people with me who were my characters, I think, but later on they evolved into the cast of Third Watch--I remember Faith Yokas was there, and probably some of the others like Kim and Jimmy and Bosco and such. We knew that there had been a suicide, and it was Felman. In my story Lucifer, his partner, Danser, was shot in the chest and killed, and Felman freaked out and had to be institutionalized...melodramatic, I know. Anyway, in the dream, I guess he had gone back to work for a time, but the stress of always being reminded of what had happened to his partner had apparently gotten to him, and he'd taken his own life. He'd shot himself in the head in what would be one of the bedrooms if it were my grandma's house, and his body was still back in there. And we had all gathered here to see him.
Don't ask me why; I guess we all just had to see for ourselves. Not in a morbid way (at least, that wasn't the only reason); just to see him a final time and know for certain he was gone. We may also have been the first on the scene or something. All of us, the big group of us. I was kind of roleplaying this, acting from several roles or deciding what would be said and what would happen. So I had an extent of knowledge, but some things still caught me off guard. Somebody came out of the bedroom...I feel as if I went in there for a moment, saw what had happened, and came back out, but then I was in a different personality and didn't know what the room looked like. We knew that Felman's body had been moved; he'd shot himself and had landed on the floor, but they had picked him up and put him in the bed, out of respect. There was nothing wrong with this action in the dream. I guess the scene had already been processed.
Anyway, a man--a cop, I think--came out of the room and he seemed to be in charge. He was very solemn and told us about what had been cleaned up in there, warned us about what to expect, and I put the words in his mouth for him to say that two people were allowed in at a time. It was going to be one, or just relatives like in a hospital, but I wanted more characters involved, so I made him say two. I'm not sure if we were first, but somebody else--a man, I think--and myself went in to see. I had a feeling of foreboding, like I shouldn't be looking, but I wanted to.
I went into the bedroom. It was all yellowish, and very brightly lit; it was nighttime outside, as I think there was a small window above the bed, which was on the right side of the room with the foot facing us when we entered. At first I was very careful not to look too closely at anything because I knew the cleanup had not been total. My previous vision had been of Felman lying on the floor, maybe crumpled up; now I looked very carefully and finally saw him lying on the bed, stretched out as if he had gone to sleep. At first he looked normal, but when I looked closer (though I stayed away from him), I spotted abnormalities--I think I saw blood in his mouth, or maybe the hole in his head, even though it would not have been visible. (He shot himself through the mouth.) I looked down at the floor near the doorcasing, which was white, and now saw a faint splatter of blood here, evidently where the back of his head had blown out from the shot. I knew, probably from my earlier, out-of-character visit, that there had been much more blood than this, where it had pooled as he lay there, and perhaps it was still there--I just wasn't willing to look too closely. I think there might also have been a sickly smell.
I think I backed out of the room, whimpering a bit in fear, lest I see too much. I had WANTED to see for myself, you know how it is with rubberneckers, and to pay my respects, but I had had this dread of seeing too much, and now I felt I had to get out of there before I saw any more; it seemed everywhere I turned there was a little bit more to remind me of the grisliness of the suicide.
The others kind of looked at me as I backed out--I was probably overreacting, being melodramatic to make a point--but the truth was I really WAS starting to freak out. This reminds me of my "Lost In The Charnel House" dream, with how I wanted to look yet didn't want to look, how I felt I had to confront something yet was too afraid of finding out too much, and how everywhere I turned for some relief there was none. So I just left the bedroom and probably let someone else have their turn.
Afterwards we were probably going to give Felman a toast or some such, reminisce about him, but the dream fades. I get the feeling that at some point I realized this was just imaginary, only a potential scenario; perhaps I would revise it and Felman would not have killed himself after all. I just wanted to see what people's reactions would be if he had. Perhaps they would be surprised, thinking that he HAD died when he hadn't. I just like to mess with my characters' heads that way. I think there was some more detail but that's all I remember.
2003 Dreams
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