02/17/03
Suicidal
I remember only a tiny dream fragment from a few nights ago. I do know for certain that I was with my mom and we were walking around in this big downtown building (what town/city, I don't know, but it wasn't Cheboygan). A girl/woman earlier in this dream had been having some problems and was mentally ill and suicidal, I believe. We went walking down this hallway with white walls and the only lighting was white overcast light from outside. We were on an upper level, not far from stairs. I think at one point I climbed up on top of a ledge--a window ledge?--and was imagining what it would be like to be this girl getting ready to jump. I was very serious about it. I think we then went to the steps and were going to go downstairs or something, maybe to find and/or help this girl. There was more to it that I can't recall. Maybe some of it had something to do with abuse, but maybe not.
Macaulay Culkin, Pirate Captain!
The dream from the day before yesterday is a bit clearer. In this one, there was much before it but it's lost by now; the dream picks up as I'm walking down a slight slope in waving grass. The grass was long and silvery green and as I walked down this slope (there was a large, wide green area around me, reminding me of the elementary school playground sans play equipment) the wind gusted around me so my clothes and hair whipped around. I suddenly got the thought to pretend to be my character Silver Eagle Feather, and I held my head high and proud as I walked. There may have been some slight clouds, but they were windswept as well.
I went down the slope and now there was a beach further off ahead of me, but I went onto a sort of porch or outlying part of a building instead, off to my left. There were others here, perhaps somebody(s) I knew from elementary school; the only person I remember specifically was the father (Peter Boyle) from Everybody Loves Raymond. One of us had a digital camera and we were trying to take portrait photographs of either each other or of just him, and he was being very cranky about it. So we were joking and cajoling him into it. The place we were in was kind of like a porch or a balcony at a motel/hotel, narrow and rectangular with a cement floor, projecting from the main building; it had wooden posts supporting a roof over us, but it was open to the air. Probably had chairs and maybe a little table too. Not very big, but there were probably about four or five of us there, at least.
While we were trying to take a decent picture of this guy, a pirate ship appeared out on the water; the beach was quite far away, maybe a hundred yards, but the ship was abnormally huge and easy to see. We still kept trying to take decent pictures but we were interested in this ship as well. It MAY have been meant to be a Spanish galleon at first, but the pirate part comes in a moment. This ship was coming in to shore and we were watching it. Just as it started to run aground...the bottom part of the hull popped UP, and then thumped down onto the beach, as if there had been a sort of obstacle there and the boat just popped up over it and landed on top. We were impressed by this occurrence. "I didn't know they could do that!" I exclaimed in wonder. As the huge ship was pulling up I hurriedly put up the camera (I had possession of it now) and snapped a candid photo of the cranky guy, looking off to the right side. When I pulled down the camera to look at the preview picture, I noticed that I had caught the ship, albeit blurred by focus, larger than life right behind him as a backdrop. What a great photo!
The others agreed and I showed him the preview and what did he say in response? "Holy CRAP!" Just like on the TV show. ;) He liked the picture, too; we'd finally won him over.
Anyway, I think we decided to go down to the shore to check this ship out, since we felt it wasn't a threat. The dream shifts here so I'm not sure what happened, but now the ship was apparently in a movie starring Macaulay Culkin. (Young Macaulay, as in Home Alone and such; not adult.) I think this is the brief part where the ship may have been a Spanish galleon, but then it was overtaken by Macaulay and his band of child pirates. o_O I think they were children; but I AM certain they were pirates, and he was their leader. Uh, yep. He was wearing the pirate gear and everything. He started climbing up the side of the ship and yelling out like a pirate would as his crew stormed the ship. The movie was meant to be a sort of comedy where kids have all the power over adults, by means of their trickery and cleverness; you know, really trite, but SOMEBODY had thought it was movieworthy. I seem to remember a net--I think this was being used to climb aboard the ship--and maybe jewels or gold doubloons, part of a treasure. This ship had been run by adults but of course, as was the way of this sort of movie, the kids were in charge now.
The storming of this ship was when I was awakened late.
Too Many Owls, I Can't Pick Just One!
The dream I had yesterday is very much lost. The only part I recall was being in some sort of store looking at owl figurines. It wasn't a knick-knack store, but it was one of those places that sells figurines and statuettes and maybe dishes and such...nice little things. There was a row of wall shelves to my right and I went over to look at them. The figurines were different kinds of animals, all made by this one lady who owned the shop, all in different styles. You could not tell they had all been made by the same person, they were so different. I can't remember all the different animals I saw, but I started looking specifically for owls since I collect owls. I found one...then another...then another...and each one was cuter and better than the last, it seemed! Ma came over to me and I exclaimed, "Look! I like this one!" Then I started pointing out all the different owls...white ones...wooden ones...glass ones...I can't recall the specifics now but they were all so nice. I was trying to decide which one I might want to get, but I was worried it would be too expensive for me. Some of them reminded me of the owls I already have. I couldn't decide on a favorite.
The lady who had designed them came over now...the impression I get (I could be wrong) was that she was in her forties, styled auburn hair, a little thin, nice dress, lipstick, very nice. She was friendly and I thought she was going to start showing me the different owls, but instead she started showing me the different animals in general, so I went along with her even though I was most interested in the owls. First she showed me one animal and I took it in my hands and held it...then another animal, I can't remember what they were--maybe one was an otter?--they were a little cutesy, realistic but with large soulful eyes and little smiles, so I think they were parts of a set--I remember running my fingers over them before handing them back. They were big enough to be paperweights but they weren't HUGE, it's just that they weren't tiny, either. I only remember the very last one, I think it was the third one she handed me. It was a hummingbird. "Isn't he adorable?" she exclaimed; she was saying things like that as she handed them to me one by one. The hummingbird WAS cute, but I wasn't very interested in it. It had those same large dark eyes, but then I noticed that something was wrong with it. I think it was the beak--it was bent or broken or something. She didn't notice this, but it bothered me. I hate it when things are even slightly damaged. I think I was handing it back to her and still trying to decide which owl I might want when I woke up.
Cat Food For Dogs? Dog Food For Cats?
I had this dream while napping on the couch last night. I remember I was wandering around a store (first maybe I was in a hallway or outside on some tracks or something?) with somebody(s?) else, looking for dog food. It was supposed to be cat food, I think, but there was a kind of dog food that was like it, and maybe if I found the dog food first then I could find the cat food...or substitute one for the other...or something. *shrug* I think I was looking for food for Cosmas, my cat, but the kind of food I was looking for was geared toward dogs so maybe I was seeking out a cat version. Anyway, this kind of food, in real life, IS made for cats. It's little crunchy Chex-like things with soft filling in the middle. Cats are supposed to really love them. I think there's a dog food like this too, but the cat kind is what I have seen in stores. In the dream, I finally entered a Wal-Mart-type store with this other person or other people (an adult man and/or woman; we felt like equals, but not friends--they felt older to me but not in authority) and was checking out the pet food aisle. I think I found one kind of food but then wanted to find the other--perhaps I found the dog food, thought maybe Coz would like that, then decided to look for a cat version. I can't recall what happened after this, just that I got caught up in trying to decide what to get for him. I wanted to get him something he liked; but on the other hand, I wanted it to be good for him, too.
If they were not the same dream (which they could have been), this then shifted into "Yet Another Forgotten Hamster."
Yet Another Forgotten Hamster
If they were not the same dream (which they could have been), this then shifted out of "Cat Food For Dogs? Dog Food For Cats?"
I had this dream while napping on the couch. In it, I think I was sitting on the couch or some such, doing something that required a lot of my attention; while I was doing this I looked down and saw the old hamster cage sitting on the floor right in front of me. Seated in it was a dwarf hamster, just minding his own business. His water bottle and food bowl were empty.
With horror I suddenly realized this was MY PET HAMSTER WHICH I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT! (That theme yet again.) I knew that for at LEAST the past three or four days, I had not held him once, and I had not fed him and watered him in possibly much longer than that. I ALWAYS try to handle a pet rodent at least once a day when I have one; so I felt so awful when I noticed him. I couldn't believe I'd COMPLETELY forgotten about him!
I pushed aside whatever else I was doing and rushed to give him water and food--I felt he'd die like in the next few minutes if I didn't, not that my help would probably matter much. He wasn't moving at first and I felt so horrible! But when I jostled the cage getting the waterbottle out, he finally wandered around a bit. He LOOKED healthy, for the most part; maybe his fur was a bit matted as I hadn't cleaned the cage either. <:( I wanted to clean the cage, too, but I felt I should at least feed and water him first. So I hurried to the bathroom with the waterbottle.
It had gone dry, but the cage was so dirty from neglect that the bottle--and the food too, as I think I brought it with me--were infested with vermin. There were little wormy-type things in the food bowl (I think maybe it DID have food in it after all, but it was in very poor shape), and when I took the top off the bottle to empty out whatever might be in it, this sawdust-like stuff came POURING out. This reminds me of another dream I had once when I tried to clean out a rodent's waterbottle, and this SLUDGE came pouring out. (See "Rivers Of Filth.") Well, this looked like sawdust, but I knew that in fact it was evidence of infestation--maybe the droppings of bugs or something, and it looked like sawdust. It just kept pouring out and I felt so awful. I think I started to rinse the bottle and was going to fill it and get food for the hamster. I still felt bad that I had not cleaned the cage yet--he had cotton bedding in there and it and the wood shavings were pretty crappy--and couldn't do it immediately; I had to tend to the most basic needs, first.
I came back out to get the hamster. I can't remember giving him the water or food, but I did finally take him out of the cage to handle him. He still seemed okay, but his fur was a little ratty in spots. I smoothed him over with my fingers and just felt like sobbing. How could I have so easily forgotten him like that? I know I've said it a million times, in every dream like this, but I felt so horrible for neglecting him, even if he was in pretty good shape, considering.
There really must be something in my life I feel I'm neglecting, very badly, but I have no clue what it is nor why it's causing me such guilt. I wish I could figure it out!
2003 Dreams
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