04/19/02
What Sort Of School Is This?

Can't remember it very well by now! I didn't take very good notes.

I was in class. The room resembled my high school Academic Biology class with Mr. Sturvist, only instead of him, I think it was the mother from Malcolm In The Middle who was the teacher...and she wasn't a very good one, of course. :) The lighting was very dim so it was hard to see; I think we faced the other side (back) of the room from what was usual, also. The desks didn't seem to be lined up properly. This alone was enough to frazzle me. But then the teacher informed us that we would have to make note of three hundred words or terms, I think it was, which I THOUGHT were going to be revealed in a film we were supposed to watch. (Hence the darkened room.) I believe they were plant names. Only instead of turning on a film, the teacher started reading, rapid fire, some kind of sing-song poem or story or something, and every so often it would mention one of the THREE HUNDRED terms we had to write down. She was reading so very fast--I couldn't even keep up with her!

I forgot to point out that before this, while she was explaining everything (and not too well!), I was having trouble finding a fresh notebook to write in. I had at least two, and some folders. I dug out one notebook but it looked as if EVERY single page had doodles, scribbles, notes, etc. on it! Even the pages that looked fresh and untouched! I may have come across a sketch of an old character of mine, the Egyptian priest Watu-Haru. I think the notebook had a black cover; it was a five-subject spiral notebook. I was getting so frustrated, I had nothing to jot down the names on! I dug out my other notebook only just in time, and was only able to open it up to a clean page as she was already rattling off names.

Anyway...I got out my notebook and started jotting down the names she was belting out. She was very cheerful and happy but she was TALKING SO FAST! I think I got down all of three names, one of them something like "high weed" or "high" something (they were plant names), before I lost it. I just stared blankly at my paper, ready to cry; my eyes welled up. I believe the lights came back on, though I don't THINK she was done listing the names; maybe it was just a break. Suddenly to my right sat Dale C., a kid I knew in elementary school--we did NOT get along. He always teased me. I may have kind of glanced at his paper to see how many names he'd written down; whatever the case was, he leaned over to look at my own notes, and saw the tears in my eyes. I was certain he'd start razzing on me.

"Hey, it could be worse," he said, patting my shoulder. "Take a look, I wrote down only TWO!" (or something like that) I was surprised--here was one of the bullies, trying to make me feel better! He joked a little bit too, very familiarly, and while I was still in poor spirits I was glad that somebody cared enough to try to lift them.

However, now ANOTHER student I knew in elementary school, Jason C. (I actually knew two Jason C.'s, unrelated, and this was "Little" Jason C. as we called him), was now seated near me, as well. He too was a bully to me. This wasn't my day. *sigh* He saw my tearful look and I can't remember what, if anything, he said, nor what I may have said back. I just remember he hadn't done very well either, but he wasn't upset about a poor grade. He made a kind of baby face and said, "But you're crying," in a really fake innocent, snotty way. That upset me again.

I HOPED, though, that like Dale, who had done such an about-face, he was only joking. So I jokingly flicked my fingers at his face, just meaning to sting him a little bit. I got him in the eye. I immediately felt bad; I hadn't meant that! It HURT him! He put his hand over his eye and started complaining about it; I really HAD upset him. I even seem to remember feeling moisture on my finger when I did this--was HE crying now, too?--and I just felt so awful. "I'm sorry," I exclaimed, but I could tell he didn't believe me. He felt I'd done it on purpose because he'd been mocking me...agh, this just kept getting worse and worse. I couldn't think of a thing to do to make it right, so I got up to go. Class was apparently over.

Now, on my way out, I seemed to be wandering through my house, near the utility room and toward the dining room, but it was still a public place with lots of people (students) about. I heard some kind of talk about my cousin Jon, who was somehow the same here as my brother, Eric--his wife was included (which should have been Jon's wife, if he even has one, but instead was Shannon, my brother's wife). They were equal.

Apparently, my cousin/brother was having financial problems, and this depressed me. He's such a nice guy, and so hard working, he deserves better. I wished I could do something to help, but all there was was general murmur about him. I felt like everyone was gossiping behind his back and I hated that.

I wandered about and somehow got hold of a box, possibly that had been stored up in the closet and that may have been wrapped in wrapping paper, that had old cat toys in it. I knew most of them had been Pepper's. I felt wistful on looking at them; I missed her. Maybe there was something Cosmas, my new cat, could make use of? There were still people around me only now a few of them seemed interested in the box's contents too. I felt I had to keep it away from them so they wouldn't grab anything; I wanted most of it as mementos of Pepper.

I did find some kind of toy I thought Cosmas (or whatever cat I had in the dream) might like. They were all so old and kind of dusty; I think her harness was in there too. What I took out was similar to a doll, I believe. I went walking toward the living room, through the dining room, and may have passed cousin Jon/Eric on the way, to my left. The lights in the living room were off so it was dark in there, but there were still people all over the house. I knelt down on the floor, in the doorway to the living room; to the left is the cat house/scratching post that Cosmas has in real life, but doesn't use. Here was a cat, near it. But here was another, similar cat. I feel neither of them was my own, if I had one. I wasn't sure which one to play with, if either, but one acted friendly on seeing the doll I had. It grabbed hold of it and started rolling around clinging to it like an idiot. The other cat wasn't much interested. They LOOKED kind of like Cosmas, but I felt they weren't.

Now, though...that doll I had given the cat (more like, had had taken from me) was now the stuffed bunny I own. o_o This cat was lying here on its back clawing and pawing my own toy bunny. I knew I'd have a heck of a time getting it back, should I want to.

I think somebody near me laughed and made a joke about it. Not out of spite, just joking because the cat looked so silly, not knowing it was MY toy and not a cat toy.

I know that there was more before this, and perhaps a bit after, but this is all I remember.



2002 Dreams
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