03/20/02
Dead Horses Can't Trot
I had a couple of lousy dreams today just before waking up, so they're unfortunately vivid in my mind. They pissed me off.
This one concerned my brother and his wife coming up to visit and I wanted Ma to do my hair. She did it but I walked away and realized that like half of it was undone, just hanging out! I went back to her and gestured at it and I was very rude to her--"It's just hanging out! You barely did it at all!" So I had her do it again, and...again, half of it was hanging out on both sides. So I had her do it AGAIN, tighter. It seemed okay and I went to the bathroom to check it out. It was in okay on the right side...but on the left it was kind of loose...I tried to ignore it, put some gel on it, it didn't help. I got frustrated and went to Ma again, this time upset and HATING that I was asking so much of her. "Could you do it again...? It's still bothering me on this side." In real life she'd be swearing by now, but she was unusually quiet during this dream, like she was sad about something. I had her do my hair again and don't remember the results. It was harder because it had dried gel in it.
After that we went on some kind of drive down the road (I think my hair might still have been bugging me) and we drove past this place nearby and there were parts of dead horses lying about in the yard. A head here, a head and an eviscerated (more like sunken in) body there. I stared at them in puzzlement; they were just sitting there like it was the most normal thing in the world. On the drive back I think I realized they were merely stuffed, but it was still strange. A kid or a figure of a kid was sitting upon one without legs, as if riding it.
This dream turned out to be a dream within a dream, contained within "Sibling Rivalry."
Sibling Rivalry
This dream contained the dream "Dead Horses Can't Trot" as a dream within a dream, so this was the outer dream. Again it revolved around a visit from Eric. (I think THIS bothers me--why did HE keep showing up? He overshadows me, even in my dreams.) I woke up and looked at my clock and decided to set it "better" so it would more accurately wake me up on time. (I have trouble waking up even with three alarm clocks.) In order to set it, I had to go online and keep the clock online...don't ask...the online connection ensured it would go off properly. I got up and tried to set it but got a busy signal. Drat. I sighed and considered waiting a few minutes for it to clear up, then realized that the busy signal meant someone had to be on the phone. Wondering how long it would be, I went to my door and peered out.
Ma was walking around talking on the phone. At first I thought she said something to me. I know she saw me but I tried to get her attention anyway. I wanted to know when she'd be off, and who she was talking to--was it Eric? All I got the chance to do was sort of wave at her and mumble. She finally snapped, REALLY viciously, "IT'S ERIC! I'M TRYING TO TALK TO HIM!" or some such, and then wandered off again, talking to him as calmly and pleasantly as before.
And this got me VERY upset.
What it told me was, "I'm talking to Eric. He means a lot more to me than you ever will. So don't you dare interrupt me when I'm talking to him. I can't even tell you who I'm on the phone with without biting your worthless head off!"
"FINE," I snapped back at her, and slammed my door. I was so angry and hurt. I slammed my clock back down and muttered, "So I won't set it and let's see me sleep in too late and not wake up at all." Then I started to cry as I still stalked around my room muttering to myself (as I always do in real life, because if I talk back, I just get more crap). "It's easy enough to talk to ERIC and find out how HE is, but apparently I'M not worth ANYTHING!" I just felt so hurt by her behavior. I hadn't even interrupted her call, I'd just wanted to know who it was! So it was Eric? Great! In the dream I was LOOKING FORWARD to him coming to visit! Why did she have to snap at me like that? It's like what she does in real life when all I want is a simple question answered and I'll be happy. It's too much for her to just ANSWER the question. Ditto if something happens to Dad and I worry about him. I once heard a crash in the living room and when I went to my door and called out, worried, "Dad--?" all he could do was scream back, "GO BACK IN YOUR ROOM!"
2002 Dreams
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