01/15/02
Chopper Down


This dream is vague as I had it the night before last. I've had a lot of dreams lately but haven't put effort into remembering them.

The way it vaguely went was, I needed to record a show in the afternoon, Tenchi Muyo! I had gotten a tape ready while Dad watched, as he was sitting on the couch waiting. It seemed to be late afternoon but sunny outside, as if the sun were just setting. A golden light with long shadows, perhaps. Yet I also feel it may have been earlier than it should have been. Whatever. I was in an edgy mood because I knew Dad was also and I didn't want to get into an argument again. Ma was home as well, in the dining room or utility room. Somehow I got distracted talking to Dad or something and realized I'd missed recording the first half of my show! I started to get upset but I think again I didn't want to start a fight with Dad, so I set it to record at least the second half >:( and went off to do something else.

Ma was now at the dining room computer (here), and as I went out to her she looked at me anxiously. "Have you been giving out our personal information online?" she inquired; I told her no, why? Dad came into the room and he may have said something kind of insulting about Ma--maybe about her playing games on the computer and thinking some weirdo was going to come through the screen and get her or something. He had a beer can in his hand (silver colored) and it had a slot in the side, like a disk drive, only vertical--like for floppies. Only very slightly smaller--not as wide across. He picked a floppy disk up off the table and for some reason tried fitting it in the slot on the beer can; I watched him apprehensively, because I did NOT want him to do it. Maybe I thought it would damage something; Ma might have thought so too, though I can't specifically remember her looking. In any event, the disk didn't fit in; I thought Dad would break it, but he harrumphed, put it back, and went back to his seat.

Now I was standing out here beside Ma and she looked up at me with wide eyes. "I think a hacker or something has our information and is trying to get at our hard drive," she said with awe. (She said something LIKE this!)

"Why do you think that?" I asked; she went into something about playing some online games, and then something went weird. (I believe Dad may have insulted her about this when he spoke earlier on--"She sits on the computer all day playing stupid casino games and then wonders why a hacker is trying to break into our system," or something similar.) I seem to remember seeing a black screen of a game site where she'd gone. She kept halting in midstory and then forgetting or starting over again and not making much sense (much like real life :) ), so I had to keep asking, my voice getting louder and more panicked sounding each time, "WHY do you think someone's trying to break into our system?"...because she'd never get to the point!

I do remember the first part she started telling me. First off she stated matter of factly, "Well, I was fiddling around with this little piece of aluminum foil in the microwave..."

"Ohhhhhh," I groaned, covering my eyes. "Ma, you didn't!"

"...and then this helicopter crashed just outside, came down out of the sky near our house!"

I groaned even louder, knowing that somehow the piece of tinfoil in the microwave had been responsible for this. It had made the gears on the chopper go funny, causing it to crash. Ma was responsible! I knew it had been a fiery crash, all caused by Ma playing with a piece of metal in the microwave! "Ma, why did you DO that?!" I demanded. Never found out why! She started off on her story about the hacker or whatever (this WAS related to the helicopter, but I don't know how) and we never got anywhere before the dream ended. All I know is I was freaked out by the helicopter thing.




Howling Fear


I had one bitty snippet of a waking-dream this morning which was very disturbing...and even more disturbing because I'm not sure why it bothered me so. I was lying on my back trying to get to sleep and having some trouble...eventually I drifted off so that I KNEW I was only dreaming. In the dream it was nighttime and Ma and I had just gotten home from grocery shopping. We were in the utility room unpacking and putting everything away when I suddenly cried out, realizing I'd forgotten to pick up some almonds for Dad. Now, in real life the first time this happened, he got really mad. He gets very angry whenever I screw up, and he didn't speak to me for a day about it--this was VERY hurtful. So of course any other time I forget anything I'm supposed to get him, I think I get more upset than HE does, simply expecting HIM to get upset! (Not that it deters him any.) In the dream, Dad started huffing and puffing (he doesn't yell when mad about this, he just gets cruel and gives me the silent treatment, tells me I'm stupid, things like that) and since I "knew" it was only a dream, I dared to "speak back."

I raised my hands and said in an exaggerated voice, "OH, I don't EVEN want to hear it, I'll go and WALK back to the store and buy the almonds MYSELF just so I don't have to HEAR this again!"

I turned to the door while they watched. This was ludicrous--it was nighttime, black out, and snowing hard. I wasn't even wearing my coat or pants or boots--I must have changed already--as I was in my houseclothes, my shirt and shorts. I think I may have put on my sandals, or I may have just gone out the door barefoot, still talking loudly and in this martyr voice as I did--"I'll go walking out in the snow as I am and GET those stupid almonds myself!"

Well, I must have turned on the porchlight, and then stepped off the porch out the back door. There was a little ring of white light around the door and I could see the snow falling thickly all around. I don't remember seeing Dad's vehicle. I rubbed my arms even though I wasn't even cold yet, though I should have been. (My sense of touch isn't very developed in my dreams, especially when it comes to temperature.) I looked to the left--northward. I thought of walking off into the pitch blackness just for some almonds, and I was now afraid. Why should I be? It was only a dream, and I knew it. I felt I had to at least make a show of STARTING to leave in order to impress Dad, so I considered taking a few steps north and then coming back in, and I knew that would be enough.

As soon as I struck upon this idea a strange faraway--yet not far enough--howling began in the east. I turned to stare in that direction as another howl joined it, and another, and maybe another. It sounded like a pack of wild dogs (more likely) or wolves howling together. And--I was suddenly stricken with this intense terror. I did NOT want to go walking out there! There was still one tiny part of my mind protesting, "Why is this scaring you??" but I couldn't listen to it. I HAD to get inside. That pressing blackness--it's like the world ended just beyond the ring of light--and those eerie, too-loud howls seriously freaked me out. I had to get back inside!

For a brief moment right before the dream ended, it's like it got light outside again. A gray morning light from the southeast, the way it sort of looks in my room during the daytime with my windows covered. So this may have been consciousness returning. But that was only a split second. I started backing toward the house, wanting to run back inside, but it was as if I couldn't move quickly, couldn't turn around, could only take agonizingly slow steps back, like something strong, some force, was pressing against me, keeping me outside to face the "wolves" or whatever they were. I never did see them. I remember letting out a small moan of fear and trying like mad to turn to the side, to get back in. At the same time I realized again it was a dream and willed myself to wake up.

I remember grimacing and slowly dragging myself up out of the dream as if I had been stuck in quicksand. And when I opened my eyes all there was around me was the gray of my room, and the clock, reading 12:20-something. I hadn't even been "asleep" a half hour yet. I got up to go to the bathroom, and it took a little bit for the terror to wear off. Why did that scare me so badly??



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