10/18/01
The Cruel Streak Continues
I've been neglecting taking notes on any of my recent dreams, so the ones I do remember are vague. I haven't been able to remember many of my dreams very well lately.
In one dream fragment from quite a while ago, I went into the living room in the middle of the night (the living room light wasn't on) to find that the whole area of floor in front of the heater was just puddled wet. I knew that the cat had urinated here (in real life, she goes just about wherever she feels like it; she's very old and doesn't like looking for her litterbox). This was literally a LAKE of pee. I got so incredibly angry and upset about this that I started crying loudly; the cat walked by and I kicked her. :( Ma, sleeping on the couch, awoke at the noise; I think I was angrier that the cat had done such a thing, and she'd probably get in trouble with Dad, than about the mess itself. Why didn't I just clean it up? I was just too frustrated; why did she always have to do this! Ma lifted her head and asked me what was wrong; I either yelled, "NOTHING!" or told her what Pepper (our cat) had done. I went toward the kitchen to get paper towels to wipe it up, but I was sobbing the whole way. I had WANTED Ma to wake up, so someone would have to share my misery.
I believe I had a dream about a sunset the other day but I can't quite recall.
Too Late To Go
The day before yesterday, I believe, I dreamed that the whole family--Ma, Dad, Eric, and myself--were going to Mackinac Island(?)--only at night! Like an hourlong trip or something. This wasn't right. We were all getting ready to go and I had to go to the bathroom for "number two." It was around eight-thirty PM and the time nine-thirty had something to do with it...was that when we would have to come back home, or the time we would arrive? I'm not sure. But someone else was taking their time, and they were holding us up more than I was. However, I was the one Dad yelled at to hurry up. (Not in a mean way; he was just being annoying. I feel we were all dressed up.)
"I AM HURRYING!!" I screamed from the bathroom. "SOMEONE ELSE IS MAKING US LATE, NOT ME!"
I was just so flustered and upset that we wouldn't have the time to do anything. When I came out I cried, "Why even bother going, now?" The others were puzzled by my reaction, and I was upset about it, but I didn't really see the point of going so late at night when we would just have to come right back home. I felt it was my fault.
Bad Pants, Bad Pants, What'cha Gonna Do
In a dream fragment from yesterday, I was in my room (at night?--the light was on) getting a pair of pants to wear outside when I found a thread on them, so tried to pull it off. I found out it was long and I didn't want to rip the pants so I looked for scissors, but then found another thread. (This was my blue pair of pants.) I inspected them more carefully and considered asking Ma to take care of them, since she used to sew for people for money. Holding them up, I noticed now just how shoddily they'd been put together. It's as if they were made of three parts: the left leg, the right leg, and a piece in the middle that these were attached to. (The...um...crotch.) The three pieces overlapped each other a bit and the combination didn't look BAD, but now that there were gaps between them... The legs were detaching from the middle section and only threads were holding them together, threads which could break at any minute. (The pants seemed to be different colors too, like dark blue and dark red.) The threads didn't manage to cover up the gaps between the different pieces of material, thus they weren't fit to wear. And this was like my only comfortable pair of pants.
I sighed and lowered them. I believe it was Tuesday in this dream, as I was going to have Ma fix them when she got home--for some reason I really needed them fixed fast, like I thought I was going somewhere--and I knew she wouldn't get home until after midnight (Tuesdays Ma goes to the casino), and she'd complain about being too tired to sew them. I'd have to make her.
Confronting The Watchers
Here's the dream I remember from last night.
It concerned a recurring nightmare of mine, which I believe I've mentioned in here before. (See "Return Of The Watchers" for an example.) In this dream I'm being watched, usually by people younger than myself; I'm in the house and they peer in the windows and won't go away. Tonight's dream had an interesting difference in it though.
I don't remember it well so forgive vagueness. It was daytime, like early afternoon, and sunny out but the shadows were beginning to fall. Our house inside seemed different somehow, more...RED. Like tacky tomato-red drapery or some such. I was supposed to be someone different; I keep thinking of a lady from the Fifties, maybe, but that might just be me. Dad was home, I think. I just kept wandering around the house, and into my room, before I noticed there were some young kids peering in the windows at me.
Even in my room it wasn't safe. In real life, and in the dream, I had black paper and cardboard covering the windows so I could sleep during the day, so I thought I'd be safe in there. (I also had to remain quiet--I know that they could hear ANY tiny sound I made.) But when I retreated in here I noticed that the paper seemed to be PEELING from around the edges, almost as if it could be reached from outside, and I saw the kids peering in around it, trying to see. My light wasn't on but I felt they'd be able to see me if I stayed in there. Desperate and terrified, I went to the bathroom, where there ARE no windows anymore, but for some reason I kept sticking my head out into the hallway to peer into my room (it's visible from the hallway), and could still see them trying to peek in my south window.
I felt I wouldn't be safe for long in the bathroom either. These kids were GOOD. Dad was wandering around too, but he wasn't much help. I was getting so scared, why wouldn't they just go away and leave me alone!!
That was when the situation changed. I paused in the doorway to the bathroom and took a breath, attempting to calm my nerves. The only way I could get any peace would be to CONFRONT these people and TELL them I wanted to be left alone. How else would they learn? My hiding certainly wasn't accomplishing anything! I steeled my nerves and stepped out of the bathroom, into the hallway. Somehow I had to pass some windows and I made no effort to hide myself, making it clear I was headed for the door; the kids outside, at least two girls now, followed me around to the front door. Now there was somebody with me, and I seemed to be somebody else--a British guy, like this had something to do with Harry Potter. (Can't explain.) The two girls crowded up onto the porch and I opened the door.
A little bit of trouble or difficulty ensued, but I can't quite recall what it was. I think they crowded up to me, all excited, and I was terrified that they were going to attack me. I tried to keep my cool while in this new persona, however, and kept saying, "Please, please, calm down, hold on a moment, I'm a bit busy, hold on!" It was difficult to move and this approach didn't work at first, but eventually they backed off and allowed us to come down the steps, and they stood on the sidewalk looking eager. I got a good look at them now: two young schoolgirls, perhaps junior high, in tacky school uniforms (skirts?--white blouses and brick/burgundy red skirts?). At least one was overweight, quite chubby with a round face and a mousy-brown bowl haircut, probably with goofy glasses as well. They both looked so excited that I knew they had come to see ME. I was famous, or something. I smiled at them and chatted a bit, though I don't recall them answering; they were in awe. I then made them wait while I spoke with my "assistant" or whatever this other person was (I feel it was a she). I was now very casual and confident and friendly, at least on the outside. It was early evening by this point, though it seemed to be spring or autumn, the sun very low, the trees bare, the air getting a bit chilly. We just stood on the sidewalk and I talked with this other person, making the girls wait. I was an important person with a lot of important stuff to do and I had to figure out the best order in which to do it.
The girls didn't interrupt us, but I began to feel guilty that I was neglecting them. They'd spent so much time bothering me by peering in the windows, now when I finally got the courage to talk to them, I was too busy talking to someone else! I turned to apologize to them for making them wait, but they had to wait a bit longer. It was this delay that ensured that I never got to finish my conversation with them, nor find out what they really wanted from me. :(
Well, I've put off typing the rest of this up, and so I can't remember the ending very much anymore. I do know that I went walking off into the woods to the south of my house along with a group of other people. (I don't know if this was the same dream or another one.) It was light outside but I feel it was late afternoon, verging on evening; the trees were bare, the sky was stark and dirty white, and it was cool out; I believe we wore jackets and pants. There was a wide wooden boardwalk or something leading into the woods and we walked upon this; we seemed to be surrounded by marsh. (Thus the boardwalk, I presume.) The ground seemed to slope down toward a shallow but wide pit/hollow, then up again toward a...castle? It was a big important building, like a meeting hall, and I knew it was related to Harry Potter. (No I have not seen the movie nor will I, probably.) I think of Hagrid (sic?) so maybe he was with us or waiting there. We were all marching along toward this building with something important in mind, but I don't remember what.
There may have been more, but I've forgotten it by now.
Kristeva's Promise
Last night I had a dream that I was Detective Kristeva working on a case. A little girl's mother had been murdered. I promised her I'd find who did it. Right before the dream ended I was riding in a car with another cop, looking at an earlier picture of her and her mom. They were black, and her mother was--HAD been--a beautiful woman. And we'd just had to scrap one of our main theories.
"I made her a promise," I murmured, "and now I'm not even sure if I can keep it."
Not a very positive way to end a dream...I hope I can remember more of it later.
What a weird night.
2001 Dreams
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