09/18/01
A Bloody Mess
I didn't take notes for the dreams of tonight, so they're vague.
This was all one dream. I think it started out with me in the house and I went into the dining room, where Ma and Dad were, talking. I think Ma was sitting in the computer chair and Dad was standing near the ironing board; it was dim like the lights were off, late afternoon. At first they seemed to be chatting amiably and I joined them but then I think the phone rang and a bill collector left a message, or something. "There it goes AGAIN," Dad said. "There's another unpaid, overdue bill. You know, I keep telling you..." And he started lecturing Ma, which is not how he'd approach this in real life; in real life he'd take it out on ME, then I would have to tell Ma. And he most certainly would not do so by lecturing! I think Ma rolled her eyes--they weren't acting anywhere NEAR mad right now--but I stood up and started talking.
(A brief aside, at the same time it's like this was a story of ANOTHER girl whose parents were arguing, and while I watched/listened/whatever to that, perhaps I saw Ma and Dad doing the same thing or they were watching and I felt like telling them what was on my mind...in any case...)
I stood up and held up my hands and said, "You know, I think it's about time I told you guys something. Now this is something I've been thinking about for a long time. I think it would be in our best interests if we were to start just talking our problems through rather than fight about them..."
I can't remember exactly what I said but you get the point; I was tired of the way our family worked, so I was trying to resolve it. Poor move. Dad turned and left the room, as if ignoring me. Ma and I followed, me still talking all the while; I noticed as we went through the living room that he was headed for the front door. He disappeared from sight and it's like Ma and I were taking strength from each other; she seemed frightened, and I know I was anxious, but we were holding each other's hands and whispering encouragement to each other to keep going. So we did. Unusual.
We reached the front door, or perhaps I reached it alone; whichever way it was, when I got there Dad had already exited, and there were bloody paper towels all over the floor in front of the stairwell. Like in wads, or folded into squares. I have the feeling this was supposed to signify menstruation, but they weren't soaked bloody. Just like a small stain or two on each of them. And that puzzled me; it struck me as a waste or something. These things were EVERYWHERE over here. I kept kicking them aside and by now I was ready to gag.
The dream briefly got strange in this part. I got a very nervous, anxious feeling being over here, as if something lay in wait outside, ready to attack. I still don't know where Dad had gone, but I felt he was in cahoots or something with it. It wasn't a feeling of TERROR or even of mortal danger, but it was palpable. I think I backed away from the door rather than follow him wherever he'd gone, and went back to tell Ma.
This dream then continued or shifted into "Preventative Kitty Measures."
Preventative Kitty Measures
This dream was a continuation of or shifted out of "A Bloody Mess."
I know I had a brief glimpse of the utility room at one point, and both Ma and Dad seemed to be present in that one. In that I looked out into the utility room; the kitchen light was on but the utility room lights weren't. I think Dad stood before the mirror, and there were newspapers spread out all over the floor in front of the mirror and door. Ma, possibly nearby, had deposited them there, to keep the cat from peeing on the floor. I guess...
This dream then continued or shifted into "Through The Window."
Through The Window
This dream was a continuation of or shifted out of "Preventative Kitty Measures."
At some point I went into my bedroom and got hold of a dress hanging or sitting somewhere. Can't recall this part very well but I was eager when I grabbed the dress, as if I liked it. Which is very rare in real life. There was more in here that I can't recall...I remember bringing this dress to my bedroom, if it wasn't in there already, and laying it flat upon my bed. It was made of something like blue rubber and was just SLITTED. Like shreds, a net, latticework, you know. But it was fashionable. However, it hadn't been worn by me in ages, so I was worried about the fit and the state of the material. It was covered from top to bottom with dust and looked really grungy and dirty. Parts may have been black, or it may entirely have been black, but not all in one sitting. And it was FILTHY.
I decided to clean it up a bit; not sure how I did that, but I dusted some of the dirt off, not much. Perhaps I thought I'd have to ruin the dress to put it on, like stretch it all out of shape? I don't KNOW how it went on. I think I got distracted by something in my room, like a TV, and never finished.
I've put this off longer than I intended, so now I remember it even less!
In any case the dream ended having to do something with a room that was supposed to be the bathroom, but looked more like my room. It was nighttime, and perhaps I took the dress to the bathtub to wash it? I looked up where the window used to be and found that there was a window there again, and it was open. I think it had a screen, but it wasn't covered and I could see out--it was pitch black outside--and I know anybody could see in. For some reason this REALLY embarrassed me. "What's the window doing open?" I cried, to whoever may have been around; I got into the tub and walked over to it (the room had the lights on but was a bit dim, like the walls were a darker washed-out teal color and such) and did something--put a screen over it or closed a shutter--but it was still visible inside, should anyone decide to look. I don't know if I got to cover it up completely, but it had really rattled me.
When I awoke from that one, for some reason I was really cold and couldn't stop shaking! I also had a nervous feeling. Don't know why. :(
What's Mabarak Up To?
One snippet of dream concerned a character of mine, Lt. Mabarak. In my fiction he's a police lieutenant who went crooked and joined a Satanic cult. Erm, if that sounds weird then please don't ask. ^_^; So of course, he's a really unstable, slimy guy. In my dream, it's kind of like I was pretending to be him, but also like I was just watching him, and he and this woman were walking through the front of the living room (near the arch) and down a hallway similar to or the same as my hallway at home. (Only it was bigger.) Mabarak went over to this woman and put his/my (like I was him, yet not him) left arm around the woman's shoulders and started walking with her, as if taking her aside; he/I/whoever put his finger to his mouth or her mouth, kind of tapping, and spoke to her in a quiet voice, very confidential and friendly. In other words, VERY odd for Mabarak! He was acting so CHARMING. NOT like him at all. I think the woman was a bit puzzled but went along with him. Can't quite recall what she looked like; probably shoulder-length brown or auburn hair in a bob, in her forties, not skinny and not fat, perhaps in a lighter colored outfit, like coral or peach. (Though I can't know for certain, I might just be filling this in; everything in this part of the dream had a sort of orangish tint to it.)
Even now this still bothers me, WHAT he was talking to her about, and WHY he was acting so friendly. Even though I sort of controlled his actions I have no idea what was going on!
2001 Dreams
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