09/01/01
Cause Of Death: Unknown
This day's selection of dreams left me with a very, very unpleasant feeling when I awoke.
The very first dream was hard for me to remember afterwards, but it was probably the main reason for my unease. I can't recall how it started but I ended up at this old suburban/residential house with a group of other people and I suppose we were staying the night. While the others did...whatever...I wandered around, trying to get myself accustomed to the place. I went upstairs, I think it was, though it may have been on the ground level near the front of the house (it was on a sort of side street in a neighborhood with trees); I turned right in a vestibule(?) of sorts where there was a door leading to a small bedroom. It was dark within, as the light wasn't on, and it didn't seem to have windows since it was daytime and sunny outside. (Though I may be wrong, it may have been overcast.) This house, it wasn't incredibly filthy, but it WAS a bit dingy and run down. I didn't like it very much; the white walls made me think of things a kid would rub their grubby hands on. I pushed the door open and could see clothes lying around on the floor and piled in different parts of the room. I felt uncomfortable, homesick here. And looking in this little room my feeling of discomfort grew. I KNEW there was something unpleasant in there that I shouldn't see.
Nevertheless, I pushed the door open further (perhaps something, the door?, was olive colored) and turned on the lights. No...the room looked normal. Dirty like a college dorm, but nothing amiss. Had I just been making things up? I looked around a bit before turning to go back out the door, and now there was a bed up against the wall on my right. It was like several mattresses stacked atop one another with blankets and sheets tossed over them haphazardly. And now I saw the young woman propped up against the wall, blankets and clothes and such bunched around her, obviously dead. I gasped--I don't know if I screamed, though perhaps I did, as I had KNOWN something was wrong--and bolted from the room. She hadn't been bloody or anything like that--in fact, the cause of death couldn't seem to be determined from looking at her--but she had been leaning there with her head tilted to the side, hair in a short sandy blond bob, mouth slightly open, eyes vacant and staring. I couldn't stand being in there with her.
I went back to where all the others were and told them about her--only I couldn't really find my voice. All I could do was stammer and get out a word here and there. I finally convinced them to follow me--we were like a group of college students staying over at this strange house--and we all went into the room where the dead woman was. They stopped and started murmuring over her, perplexed. They didn't seem frightened or anxious, like I was, but they WERE puzzled. How had she died, and who had killed her? None of us knew.
They--or the police or someone--ended up removing the body from the room. I stood in the hallway (now it seemed to be upstairs) agonizing over going in again. I think I was supposed to sleep in there, but now I was afraid it would have the smell of death to it; she hadn't been rotten, but who would want to sleep in a room where somebody died and then sat there for God knows how long? I also wondered--what if there were MORE dead bodies in this house? There was one, why not more? This just filled me with yet more dread.
There may have been some "bad guys" in here somewhere, but I can't remember them.
Graduation Is HELL!
This dream was about as unpleasant as "Cause Of Death: Unknown." My brother was to graduate and the ceremony was being held in...Traverse City. o_o Well, of course it makes no sense. Ma was making plans for us to attend, but I didn't want to go. It's like I was the age I am now in the dream, even if Eric was graduating from high school (?--perhaps college?). I DID have the choice now to stay home and skip it, but my parents would NOT be happy. Still, I just didn't want to go. Ma and I sat on the couch and we started arguing about it. I can't remember the specific details, but I do remember yelling, "I don't want to fight!" because I didn't want her to leave me in a bad mood. I HATE when that happens. Still, the hurt feelings were already there, on both sides. She was angry I didn't want to go, and I was upset that she was angry. Couldn't win.
We stopped yelling but she kept getting ready while I moped around. I think the cat was trying to pee ALL over the house (just like in real life ~>:( ), but I kept following her and trying to put her in her box. Now Ma and Dad (I'm not sure if Eric was with us or already gone) were just about ready to go, and they went out toward the utility room.
I went to my room now and I was crying hard. I'm not sure why. Because they were mad at me? Or because they were going even though I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to be alone? Probably both. But I turned to my paranormal bookshelf and saw a dress hanging on a hook from it. It wasn't that bad looking, but seeing it got me miffed. I knew Ma had gotten it for when she thought I was coming along. And I HATE dresses! Yech! Still, it was this dark blackish blue, patterned like pebbles, with a slight metallic sheen. And instead of just being a normal dress, inside it had a sort of "underclothes" section made out of...rubber!! It was a sort of sheath to fit to your body, so you could just step into the dress with no hassle of pantyhose or of zipping it up. Strange! I decided to try it out, and it was difficult at first--it didn't want to fit. But I kept squeezing and shifting and finally got it on. It didn't look that bad on me, but there was some..."slippage" of certain parts of the body. Not good.
Now with this on, I decided maybe I DID want to go to my brother's graduation. "Wait!" I yelled out my door, so Ma and Dad could hear. And I knew they waited, but I was so in a hurry to get out there. And everything was holding me back, as always!
First, I wondered if I should bring any music along. I remember seeing one of Adiemus's albums--Cantata Mundi?--and Enigma's The Screen Behind The Mirror, both of which I own. Then I thought of Adiemus's other albums, and yet more music I liked, and considered bringing along some CDs--then decided against it. Where we were going, I wouldn't need to lug around music.
Then, I wondered what I should bring to read! And I couldn't decide. First I picked out one book, then another, and another, until I had around four. I can't recall what the first one was, but one or two were about Satanic crime or some such, and one of the last ones I picked up--from beneath the little wooden overhang on my stereo--was a fantasy novel about a pegasus. (I read a book about some children and a unicorn once, and I feel this was similar.) I picked up most of the books off the floor and my room was very messy and I had no idea where to look for what I wanted. I was wasting so much time. I kept looking all over for different stuff. I got four books and stuck them in a backpack, but then I remember stuffing something in a small, flat, black and red cloth (satin?) handbag-type thing.
I think I may have grabbed my jacket, still hoping Ma and Dad hadn't left. I was so behind! There were at least two electric fans on my bed now (my room was dim), one huge, and I went to turn them off. (Might also have turned off my Sound Spa.) But...no result. They were still on. Puzzled, I tried again, no luck. Now I was upset. Was it a ghost or something? I yanked the plug on one after having shut it off several times, and only then did it stop running. I don't know if I did the same to the other one, but I really had to get going. I took the handbag thingie and tried to put it in the pack, but it kept resisting or getting caught up on it so much I finally rammed it down into the bag, yelling, "Get IN!!"
I hoped Ma and Dad didn't hear that, but knew I was still coming!
Somebody came up outside my door. It was Eric, so he WAS still around, at least in this part of the dream. "Stay out, please!" I yelled as kindly as I could. "I'm not decent!"
He may have said, "All right." I got the impression he hadn't been coming in, he'd just come to the door to ask or tell me something. He left. I'm not sure if it was my room or just out in the hallway, but the next time my door opened there was this weird orangish-red light out there, like the sun was shining through tomato-red drapes. A hand poked in my door and I ran over and shut it before whoever it was--maybe Ma?--could get in. I didn't slam it on their fingers, but I did let them know they weren't welcome in here yet.
I may have done a bit more digging around--earlier on in here I had come across a shiny folder, like the kind you use in binders, and I think it was purplish-black and had the characters from Tenchi Muyo! on it. The cover was all sticky though, as if pop had been sprayed on it. Yuck. So I left it. And now I believe I left my room to go with the others.
The dream shifted here. Now I had to go to the bathroom and so I went into this big public bathroom with stalls along the wall and windows high up on the opposite wall (stalls on my left when I entered). I slipped into one near the end and shut the door. Only now I wasn't supposed to be myself. I still had an adult body (although it was too attractive to be my real life body), but I was supposed to be a little girl. I got into this stall and then I wondered, how am I going to go to the bathroom in this dress?? It had that form-fitting rubber harness or whatever underneath it! This thing was supposed to make putting dresses on and taking them off a lot easier--but they apparently hadn't thought of the toilet. I'd have to take the whole thing off to relieve myself!
I started exploring the dress, looking for other options. While I did so I...started to pop out of the thing. In the chest region, to be exact. I'd have to adjust that later. I finally found a small opening of sorts in the very bottom (this is embarrassing) and had to squat while holding this thing as wide open as I could, and hoping I wouldn't go all over myself. o_o Uck. The rubber was black and kind of like foam rubber, but stronger; it wasn't exactly a harness like I said, though it did fit close to the body and stay in place. But neither was it a full suit as it had various openings. Can't explain it.
While I was trying to do this, a tall older woman, maybe in her sixties, with medium-length, steel-gray curly hair and a heavyset face, came up to the stall and looked down over the top at me. I was in my little girl persona now so I didn't freak out, but tried to continue what I was doing. She may have tried to get in, but saw I was in there, so stood outside, leaning on the left edge of the door with a sort of annoyed look on her face, like "Hurry up." And...of COURSE I couldn't go with her standing there!
"Could you please not look in here?" I asked as politely as I could, since she was looking down at me. She gave a sort of irritated sigh and turned away--but she still leaned on the door, within plain sight of me. Which meant she could see me as well. I couldn't go to the bathroom with her like that! Why wouldn't she just LEAVE? How rude!
And so I never got to go to the bathroom, because of this, and because I was far too shy to ask her to go away. Eegh, what a bad night overall.
2001 Dreams
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